An (Almost) Answered Prayer

source www.fireworksdisplayteam.co.uk

When I sat down to pray all those days ago, God asked me a question about an issue I had put down. He asked me what I wanted to happen. I had put it down, so my reply was that I was willing to leave it in His hands, and I did.

That issue was about whether I would be going to New Wine or not. I went last year on the gallery team and loved it. I said at the time that I would be going back this year, but because the gallery isn't on every year, no-one knew at that point whether it would be on. And I forgot about it. And then, a few weeks back, lots of people asked me if I was going to New Wine, and I remembered. I wasn't sure if that was what God wanted me to do-He wasn't saying-but I figured there couldn't be any harm in asking.

And so I emailed the office about it. And at that point, I realised later, people stopped asking me if I was going. Which I thought might be some sort of sign, but I wasn't bothered either way. That was kind of what the point God wanted me to get to, with this and well, everything. Like I said in the last post, getting His peace which is beyond all understanding isn't relying on understanding.

And I didn't understand. I went through the entire application process, both to New Wine and to be on a team smoothly. I got the time off work no problem-the confirmation of that came through in a couple of days where it can take weeks. One friend offered to share his tent when I mentioned I might have to buy another one, as mine is basically falling apart. And another friend offered to give me a lift down there (it's in Somerset). So pretty much everything was falling into place around me, as it were; but I still hadn't heard from New Wine. And it was getting closer and closer.

Still, I was confident that it wasn't a problem. God knew what he was doing, even if I didn't. Which was an answer in itself, of sorts. And then, with just over a week to go, when people were starting to ask me again, I still didn't know. At ALPHA, a friend prayed for me that I would get the confirmation, and when I turned my phone on later, there was a text message to say that, for some reason, the email had bounced back to her, so she was texting me to say I had been accepted. And the time stamp was just about the time of that conversation and prayer. God definitely has a sense of humour.

There was only one problem; I was supposed to be there earlier than the friend who'd offered me the lift could get there. But that was sorted the next day. I phoned my team leader (the same one as last year) to let her know I'd got her message and would be there, and mentioned that I wasn't sure what time I would be there, though I'd try to get there as early as possible. And she said not to worry about it, as long as she knew I was definitely coming, as it wouldn't be busy on the first day, and we had a bigger team than last year.

So, that was it. An answered prayer. Except for one thing. When I got in touch with the friend who had offered to share his tent, he asked if I could get the tent down there. So that may be a problem. Except it won't, because if God has sorted all this out, He can and will easily sort that out too. So, I'll be off to New Wine at the weekend; and who knows what will happen there.

A Different Prayer

Last week, on my day off, I sat down to pray. Now, obviously, this in itself isn't that unusual, as I pray quite often-every day, more than once, generally. But this was a little bit different. Just a bit. As I didn't have any particular schedule until later in the day, I decided to just sit and wait with God, and see what happened.

I basically sat there and said 'ok God, here I am', and waited. I found that I was putting down all the things that were on my mind, as it were, as if they were in between me and God; and I was letting go of them. The interesting thing was that some of them were really small, as if they weren't really in the way at all, I hardly noticed them until I had put them down; and some of them were much bigger. Not huge so that I could hardly carry them, but definitely much bigger than some of the others.

Now some of them I could see were small because I wasn't particularly bothered by them. I mean they were-and are-real issues, but I could either see that God has been doing stuff to deal with them, which is ongoing, or I pretty much completely trusted that they would be dealt with. The couple that were much bigger, I felt that they could and would be dealt with, but at that point, I didn't know what to do next. So they were very much on my mind. I was actually a little reluctant to let go of them; but I did it. And then, after waiting for a while (I genuiely have no idea how long), God asked me about something that wasn't on my mind, but I hadn't noticed that I put down.

Clearly I had let go of it some time before, but it was still an issue that needed to be dealt with. Or maybe not, I don't know. Still, it surprised me, that that was what He wanted to ask me about. I really didn't know how I felt about it, and still don't; except I can honestly say I'm not bothered by it, however it works out. Maybe that was what He wanted to get across to me; that in letting go of something, it is the way to get His peace on it. I read something recently that said something along the lines of 'if you want to get God's peace which passes understanding, then you have to let go of wanting to understand'. Which is relevant to another issue at the moment.

On Sunday, we had a guest speaker in church, a missionary who lives and works in Burundi. At one point, he prayed for people who wanted guidance. I waited to see what God would say, and He said 'keep going'. Which is kind of encouraging, because it means I'm doing something right; but I don't know what, really. But I should let go of trying to understand. Listen to what I know He has said, and act on that. That's all I need to do at the moment. So that's what I'll keep aiming to do.

Virtual Relationships

Just a quick one this time. Hopefully, anyway, as I have some sort-of half formed thoughts that I want to explore here. Recently, I set up a page on Facebook to collect and share blogs by Christians (it's called 'Brilliant blogs - and mine' and can be found here, if you want to look it up), and, because of that, I have been getting in touch with a lot of people. Mostly people I know.

And, obviously, I have mainly been getting in touch with them online. Not exclusively, but clearly, when I'm talking about 'things' that 'exist' online, then it makes sense to communicate mainly online. So it makes it as easy as possible to access the 'things'. By which I mean the page and the blogs I'm 'collecting'. Which leads me to think about reality, and, well, not reality. Blogs are clearly real, but what really are they? Even as collections of words, they have no tangible, 'touchable' reality; but why should that make them less 'real' than a printed page, than an article or book? And, given that the words in whatever form are expressing something even less tangible, thoughts or some other expression, but which is still 'real'; given this, what does 'reality' mean anyway? And, what does it matter?

And the other thing that came out of this was how I got in touch with people. I don't mean through messages exactly, but rather the fact that, as I have been doing it, I have been in touch with people I haven't been in touch with for a while, and there has been something more than just the passing of information. We have been asking and sharing something of ourselves. Which, you know, is kind of to be expected; what with it happening all the time and all. But I didn't expect it really. I was thinking about passing on information, but the act of communication carried with it more than I planned.

So that's what I wanted to share today. No conclusions, as it were, just kind of dropping some thoughts out there to see what anyone thinks...

Things I Could Have Done (This Weekend)

Well, I could have done quite a lot of things this weekend just gone, though not all at the same time, of course. The main thing that stopped me from doing most of them was the fact that I worked on the Saturday-not being able to get the time off.

The first of these was my friend Richard's ordination as a priest. I missed his first ordination (as a deacon) due to my own incompetence, and I would really have liked to have been able to be there at this one; but, alas, it was not to be. I saw him the other day, and he seemed to think it went okay. He said the actual cathedral service was just going with the flow, as it were. The thing he was more concerned about was his first Holy Communion-him taking the service, I mean. And everyone else seemed to think that went okay, so I think he's got nothing to worry about. And if you want to read about it all in his own words, you can do that here.

Richard's first communion-he lives in a rural parish, so they thought this appropriate. Photo by Nick Eden.

And the other big and important thing I could have done this weekend was help out at the ALPHA weekend away. I have done this before, and, although it's always very tiring, it's always great fun, and very rewarding. Even helping with the catering, which is what I have done mostly, it is still amazing to get some sense of what God is doing there and then in people's lives. From what I could make out from what was put up on Facebook, it was an absolutely fantastic weekend, as is to be expected from past experience.

Other things I didn't do on Saturday were to meet up with a friend in town; though that wasn't my fault. I tried to get in touch with him, and he didn't reply, so that was a no-go. And I did think about going to the theatre with another friend Saturday evening, but when it came to it, we were both just too tired. I also relaxed pretty much Sunday during the day, but in the evening was the culmination of the ALPHA weekend, in a way, baptisms at church. And I was definitely there for that. That was an emotional time, as there were a couple of people I know who I didn't know were getting baptised; so that was wonderful.