Eating, With Friends

I've had another week off, and I was hoping to meet up with friends during the week. I was semi-successful in meeting this aim.

The week started off well with a thankyou BBQ at the new house of some friends. I was among those who helped them move in in some way, so I was invited to the BBQ they decided to do to thank people. I actually felt a bit embarrassed about it, cos it wasn't exactly any trouble for me to offer the little help I did, and I enjoyed spending some time with them. However, I always enjoy spending time with them, so I happily went along. And it was another great occasion - as all the BBQs I've been at this summer have been. The weather was great, the company better, and it was just a really nice way to relax. And definitely a good start to the week.
And the Monday was good in this way too. I managed to catch up with a friend I hadn't really seen for a while, except in passing. He also has a cineworld card, so I mentioned about going to the cinema. He was up for that, so I suggested grabbing something to eat - our cards give us discounts in certain places. So we ended up having something to eat. Eating is good.

And most of the rest of the week was pretty much quiet. I hardly saw anyone else all week - though I did leave the house a few times. It meant I had a lot of time for thinking and reflection; so I did. I thought and I reflected. I meditated on things. Several subjects, but so far have come to no conclusions. And I tried to write blog posts, but I only managed one. Why that was so difficult, I don't know. Maybe I needed the time to think, but I'm sure I would have enjoyed talking it through with people more.

And on the Saturday, I got the chance to talk to someone else. Another friend I haven't seen for so long that I can't actually remember when it last was. And I'm not going into the reasons why, but suffice to say we've tried to meet up several times this year and it just hadn't worked. Until yesterday. Which was wonderful. It was great to see him again, and also great to have an absolutely amazing long rambling conversation about all sorts of (very) random topics, both serious and silly. More silly than serious, I have to admit. We both like being silly - there's not enough silliness in life, I think. And it's important. Being able to be silly in company and having the chance to do it doesn't happen often enough. I can't speak for everyone, but I think most people would probable agree that they could do with more silliness in their lives. Wouldn't it be great to know that most relationships and meeting up with people would definitely involve seriousness and silliness - that wherever you go, whoever you meet, silliness is on the agenda. And that knowledge of silliness giving you the security to know that seriousness is possible...

Brilliant Bechdel!

Well, after seeing another film a few day ago ('Lucy'), it particularly made me think about the Bechdel Test. Named after Allison Bechdel, a cartoonist who came in at number 4 in Rolling Stone's recent list of best non-superhero cartoons; someone who was interested in feminism and gender politics - and good storytelling. And I thought it was about time I did a slightly intellectual post, after the last one.

So, now you know who Ms Bechdel is, what is her test? It was a piece from her book 'Dykes To Watch Out For', and it's a simple thing to see how female friendly a piece of entertainment is; mainly applied to films, it asks 3 questions. Is there more than one named female character? Do they speak to each other? About something other than a man? Which seems simple enough. But it's amazing how many films don't match up. By the way, by 'female friendly' I don't mean whether women might enjoy it; but rather, how positive an image of women does it promote.
                                                                 

Just think for a moment about the last couple of films you saw, and ask these questions. How does it stack up? The last couple of films I saw just about pass - I say 'just about' because both of them had minimal female characters. GOTG had 3 that I remember, and Lucy had 2 - unless you count her mum, who 'appears' once in a phone call. And these are films that actually pass. Quite a lot don't. The Avengers doesn't, for instance - although there are 3 strong named female characters (only one a superhero), they don't ever speak to each other, even when they share screen time.

But as this article acknowledges, the test isn't perfect - it has flaws. At least two that I can think of. One is that it's posssible to pass with literally a couple of lines of dialogue; and the other, just the opposite. That, as The Avengers shows, it is possible to have strong female characters and still fail. And there's also the point that dialogue doesn't reflect conversation - we generally are only shown what we need to see to follow the story. Which is why pretty much all rom-coms would probably fail. It would be a pretty bad rom-com where female characters didn't talk about the male character; though it could be possible.

However, I think the main point isn't that if a film fails this test, then it's not female friendly, not promoting a positive image of women; but rather, just that so many fail. It seems a pretty simple enough test; so, why do so many fail? What does that say about society? About us? And what can be done about it?

Comedies (With Tragedies)

I saw a couple of films at the cinema last week - it's about time I got round to doing that again. and they were both great.

I took my niece on Wednesday to see How To Train Your Dragon 2:-

and I went with some friends on Saturday to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy:-

both of which I recommend - they're great. They have a lot in common too - they're very colourful and silly, with lots of explosions and lots of unusual creatures. I mean, let's face it, dragons are pretty rare.
But they have other things in common too; a more serious side. Which wasn't really something you'd expect from films like this. Not that that's a bad thing; it definitely made them better films, in my opinion. They both showed the importance of family, and that family isn't just who you're born to; they both deal with loss, and love, and loyalty; they both have taking responsibility as part of growing (up); and they both show how important (good) relationships are. And that they aren't based on similarity or appearance - or, at least, don't have to be...

Take Note - An Interlude

Some things God said to me at church tonight. The first thing was to Take Note - God Is Interested In You. Not in a sort of scientist studying a fascinating and obscure specimen way; but that He wants to encourage you. He wants you to remember that He is for you, that He has your best interests in mind, and He wants to guide you into that future. He knows your potential, and He wants to encourage you that you can give more, do more and be more than you dreamed you could. Especially be more. He wants you to remember that.

That was at the beginning of a talk on grace. Grace is all about God reaching out to us, searching for us before we even thought about Him. And keeping on doing that. But it means more than that. He doesn't just want to stay at at distance, He wants to get close to us, and us to get close to Him. As Adrian Plass has said, it was easy for him to think that God loved him, but that didn't really mean much - after all, that's sort of His job. But what really helped him, was when he came to the understanding that, as he put it, God is nice and He likes me. So remember, God Is Nice, And He Likes You.

And the other thing He said was about promises. He wanted people to know that what He has promised, both generally and specifically, are real. He wanted to remind them of the promises, and underline them. He has not forgotten. I don't know what it is He has promised you, but He does and you do - He has not forgotten.

So, take note and remember...

Not Really About Robin Williams

By this point, anyone reading this will know the sad news of the death of Robin Williams on Monday. You may have seen or heard it on the news, but you've definitely seen and heard it on the internet. All over the place. On blogs and all over social media everywhere.

And if you've seen that, then you must have seen the massive outpourings of grief that followed this news. The same sort of reaction that follows whenever someone famous dies (well, almost). The sort of reaction that I just don't understand. And will never understand. Just to be clear here, I know that this is my issue - I am somewhere on the autistic spectrum, and this is something I will always have difficulty processing. I just point that out to show that this is something that doesn't come naturally to me.

So, why does this happen? I think that the tribute paid to Robin by his daughter gives us a clue.She said that he was one of the kindest, most generous souls... and that the world is forever darker, less colourful and with less laughter now he is gone. This is the same for everyone, but some people do appear to shine more brightly than most. And that reflected light is how we are supposed to look at the world - so let's not leave it until it's too late; untill the light goes out.
I tried thinking about how I might feel when someone famous I really like might go at some point. Like my favourite musicians:-

For those of you who are unfamiliar with them, they are Alice Cooper, Dolly Parton and Steve Taylor, none of whom I am likely to meet in this lifetime - but they are all Christians, so it's not totally out of the question that I may well meet them in the next. So I have the hope that when they pass on from this world, that won't be the end of the story for them. So I would be sad, but not devastated. I would miss their music; but, again, I have the hope that they won't stop making music...

Meghan Tonjes Is Fat (Oh And Gorgeous, By The Way)

This is Meghan Tonjes (pronounced as spelt). If you don't know who she is, she's a singer/songwriter and vlogger from Los Angeles who posts a lot of videos on youtube. Some of her singing, and some of her talking about things. All sorts of things, but a lot about things to do with self image and self confidence. And she started a youtube channel dedicated to the same idea called Project Lifesize. Also, she's appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

So, she's been quite busy over the last few years. And up until recently, I'd never heard of her. What I heard about first was the controversy over this photo, which she put up on her Instagram page as part of a series detailing her weight loss journey. Which got taken down. No warning, no explanation, except to say that someone had complained that it was 'offensive'. Whatever that meant - as I said, there was no explanation. I must admit I was puzzled, because I couldn't see anything particularly outrageous about it - it looks like hundreds of other photos that get put up every day on social media.

But she figured she knew why, and put up this video saying what she thought:-

And when I watched it, I thought 3 things. First, I thought she had a great smile, and was/is very pretty. Second, I thought that she's actually pretty smart as well. She has a problem, and she puts it across well without shouting or throwing a tantrum - which is getting quite rare on the internet these days. And, third, I noticed just a few musical instruments in the background. Reading the article again was when I registered that she is, as I said, a singer/songwriter, so I looked her up on youtube. Where this video comes from. And listened to a few of her songs - and then a few more. And watched some of her other F.A.T. (Frequently Asked Tonjes) videos, like this one. Well worth watching, all of them.

And, after that, I was pleased, annoyed, and challenged. Pleased because I'd found another good musician, annoyed that I hadn't found her before, and challenged because it made me wonder. How often do I behave like that? I didn't find that picture particularly outrageous, as I said, but how often do I respond to something that's essentially harmless as if it's really a problem. I don't know the answer, except to say 'too often'. And, also, how do I respond when someone else has a problem with me - do I respond as well as she did? Something to think about, I think - and keep thinking about. And working on changing. So I'm following her on youtube now. Not because I think she's attractive, though she is; but because she has a great voice, and she says things I could do with listening to.

By the way, Instagram restored her picture, and apologised. But they still didn't give an explanation, except to say that they 'sometimes get it wrong'. Hmm.

So, here's another few photos of her

 

Love, Friendship, Trust

I went to a wedding a few days ago, which was wonderful, and the minister gave a talk on love. Unsurprising, really. And it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before; but it is worth thinking about.

He started with some quotes about love and marriage, including this one:-

Which is, apparently, very well known - though it's a bit of a surprise who said it. Not a guy well known for saying positive sounding things. And this is positive, because he's not only diagnosing a problem (unhappy marriages), he's also providing a solution (friendship). A straightforward, common sense view of how marriage should work - a lot of people go on about love being what marriage is all about, and they mean romance/feeling good; but it's a lot more than that.
He did actually talk about romance as well, but he was absolutely for the idea that love is more than that. Things like sharing and forgiving, that are vital parts of any relationship. So, I started thinking about my friends and how I could better love them, be a better friend.

And a few days later (yes, the wedding was during the week), the talk about church was about being friends with Jesus - or about Him being friends with us, as He said He would be. And the important point of the talk was that friendship involves trust. Both that it is a place where trust can grow, and that trust is needed for the relationship to grow. And what applies to our relationship with Him applies similarly to all our friendships...