The Power Of Love

Well, after waking up in the evening (see last post), I went to church. I think the fact that I was still tired was probably important, given what happened later. The service was pretty normal, except Hellie was speaking, which is pretty rare-she's not actually around much at the moment. She spoke on prayer, and on the importance of not only keeping on, but pushing in with prayer, about actually caring about whatever you are praying about. It was a great talk, and I recommend it (you can listen here if you want).
I went up for prayer afterwards, because I felt that I didn't really care. Note, not that I cared quite a bit, but wanted to care more; but that I cared hardly at all. Now, a week later, I think that wasn't exactly inaccurate, but it wasn't as bad as (ironically) I felt at the time-I think it was partly the tiredness that made me feel like that so much. But, I also feel that it was something God wanted me to bring to him at that time. Anyway, I got prayer, and the guy who prayed for me said 2 things (that I remember). One was that God had oceans more love to pour over me; and the other was that He wanted me to focus on resting and receiving His love when I prayed. And as we had a week of prayer coming up this week, I felt that the timing couldn't have been better (funny that). And what God said to me (that I remember) was that He loves my sense of humour- not something I could ever imagine He would say, so I'm pretty sure it was Him.

So, Monday, the start of the week was my day off. Not usual, but a very good way to start a week of resting in prayer. After breakfast, I decided to pray and just wait and listen to God; which is a great way to start any day you can. I did feel very relaxed by the time I went to town to do a few things, like go to the library. I was considering visiting my sister, but felt that wasn't the best thing to do then-and on the way home, someone asked me for money for the bus, and I gave him my weekly bus ticket instead. When I came home, just before 7, I thought about going to the prayer meeting, but didn't make it out of the house. Instead, I prayed at home again. This time, God said that He loved my mind. Not that I was intelligent, so much as the way I look at things was something He likes. And the other thing I remember was reading a bit from a novel that brought tears to my eyes-making it clear that I can and do care.

Tuesday was work as normal, apart from it not being normal for me to work on a Tuesday. Nothing out of the ordinary there, and this time, I did manage to get to the evening prayer meeting. Which was completely different to what I expected, in a way. I was kind of expecting/hoping that it would be more or less us individually meeting with God; but it was much more directed than that. We split into small groups, and I got together with my small group leader to pray. We were praying first about people we could speak to about God, and the people on my mind (strangely?) were some of the bar staff from the pub next door, most of whom are pretty new. I've been getting to know a couple of them a bit recently, and I was praying into that, and that people from church generally build up relationships with them. We prayed about some other things; but that is the thing that has stayed with me. When I got home, I read a bit of the Bible, and I read the bit where Jesus asks his disciples who they think He is; and Peter says He is the Son of God. At that point, He reminded me that He has said before that I am His son; He loves me because I am His son, and I am His son because He loves me.

Well, Wednesday was a bit different again. Working in Gloucester again, but actually fairly relaxed. Not starting so early and finishing a bit earlier too. And I managed to get to the meeting again, choosing to go there instead of my small group. This evening was completely different, not least because there were far more people there-it was pretty much packed.I guess most of the clusters/small groups were there; or at least the ones that met on Wednesdays. It was also quite different in content and feeling, at least for me. It was all about praising and spending time focusing on God. At the end, I chatted to quite a few people; and God pointed out very quietly that I do care about people and relationships, and that is another thing He loves about me. One of the people I spoke to asked me what I thought of her latest blog post, which I really quite like. I think it is beautiful and poetic in nature, and quite thought provoking-read it here. Go on, do it.

On Thursday, I didn't go to the prayer meeting. I was feeling tired after working in Gloucester again, and when God asked me what I really wanted to do, I figured I actually wanted to stay at home and relax. Sometimes, I think, He doesn't actually mind so much what we do, as long as we actually make a decision, and don't just drift. So I relaxed at home- I did write my last post, but apart from that, I just relaxed and prayed. The main thing He said then was to remind me that there are things I care about, as well as people; and that is just as important.

Friday, I was back in Cheltenham, working a normal shift. Which was nice. Almost like having a lie-in. It was quite quiet during the day as well, which isn't as good. But, anyway, what it meant was that when I got to the prayer meeting in the evening, I was really awake and up for it. It was a really good time, although I can't actually remember most of it, or tell you what went on for most people, as I was on the floor, relaxing with God. I can't say I had much choice in the matter (well, alright, none); but it was definitely a great way to end the week of prayer. While I was laying there, Tim spoke about Ezekiel 47 and I meditated on that for a while. I remember reading that what happens there is totally not natural-a stream/river with only one source cannot grow any deeper. So whatever is happening here is God doing something only He can do. And how He is doing it, I have no idea. Then I thought about what that means for any attributes of God. Whatever is represented by this-God's presence, His power, His love- He is making it clear that it cannot be measured; the more of it you see, the more there is to see. In a way, a tiny bit like looking this. Just a tiny bit. So, focus on this picture for a bit, and just think-whatever you think you know of God, He is much, much, more than that.

 The weekend was a little different, because the week of prayer had finished. Saturday was pretty quiet at work, which was incredibly frustrating; and what I became aware of was that God was there, always. When things are good, He is there; when things are great, He is there, and when things aren't so good, He is still there. Whatever happens, whenever, and wherever, He is there. Sunday was different again, because it was a day off, and very relaxing overall; but actually felt very productive. For one thing, I didn't go to church in the morning, but prayed at home; and was praying about Trinity Arts, which was very encouraging. And another thing, I wrote a poem. Which was also encouraging, as I haven't been writing that many for the last couple of years. I've wanted to, I just haven't managed it. And then I went to church in the evening, which was quite something; it was pretty crowded as there was a lot of celebrating going on. The theme of the music seemed to be 'love'-pretty much all the songs were about love or grace; so, you know, it was kind of like it was planned just for me. That's sort of how I felt, anyway. I saw some friends I hadn't seen for weeks, and met some new people; and God spoke through me to some of them. All in all, a great evening for me; I loved it. Exactly what He had in mind, I imagine.

Looking back over the week, I think that where I was at the beginning of the week was exactly where God wanted me to be; and where I was at the end of the week was a lot closer to where He wants me to be. I also think that I was wrong in thinking that I don't care enough; it's just that I care differently from some people. A lot of people I know seem to be passionate about something; but what I hadn't noticed so much is that they are only passionate about one or two things. Which makes sense; because it would be impossible to cope if you tried to be passionate about everything. But that doesn't mean they don't care about other things; and I do care about things. 
One of the things I care about is human trafficking being ended. Which is why I have joined my local Act for Justice group; which is a local group supporting the work of the charity Hope for Justice.

TIRED!!!!!!

Well, after that great weekend, I had a rather surprising week following it. I went into work on Monday, expecting it to be a pretty normal week (apart from having an extra day off on Friday), only to be asked if I could work in the Gloucester branch the next day (my normal day off) to cover for someone being off ill. I didn't have anything planned, so I was fine with that, so it would be working the next couple of days, and having Thursday and Friday off-one of them would have been taking some flexi-time hours. Fine.

I got asked to a do a full day on the Tuesday, which is unusual, and started with a meeting. We have meetings every month or so in Gloucester, but I don't have to go to them, as I'm not usually working when they're on. In fact, this was the first one I'd ever been to. And, actually, it was quite interesting. Probably because it was mainly to give information, so I got to find out all sorts of stuff about departments I don't often have anything to do with, and met a couple of new people. New to me, I mean. I guess it would have been a bit different if there was more decision making going on, as I probably would have been at a bit of a loss, as it would have felt like I had come in part way through the discussion. There was one decision made, but it was introduced and finished in about 5 mins. Also, we are thinking about having a more structured pricing system, though there are issues with that that have already made themselves known.
Anyway, I started my day in the shop, which was fairly busy, and as the day progressed, it became clear that I might be needed there for longer than just the day. By the end of the day, it had been decided to pay me for all my flexi, (which adds up to about a week's worth-nice) and that I would be in full days for the rest of the week. Except Friday, when I was busy. And I can say that at the end of that, I was very tired!

All the more so, because I didn't quite relax on my day off. I did a bit, managing a bit of a lie-in, but a friend of mine was moving house to literally the next road from me, and I'd said I might be able to help. I didn't actually do that much in the end, as I didn't manage to leave my house until about 12, but I did help for a couple of hours. I didn't feel like I really did that much, but at least it was something; and I've heard that she is happily settled in now-which I figure means another housewarming party coming up sometime.
And the reason why I couldn't help for longer was that I had sorted out meeting up with a friend who I hadn't seen properly for ages. I'd seen him in passing quite often, but I honestly can't remember the last time we actually got together and chatted. We met up in a pub in Gloucester, and were there for...a while. A few hours, definitely, until he had to go and meet his wife and parents-in-law. Which he may or may not have been looking forward to. I was tempted by a pint of Black Rat, but I figured it was not the sort of drink to have in the afternoon, so I stuck to Stowford-and hot chocolate. It seemed that our conversation was random enough anyway-and the afternoon was definitely a good time.

I caught up a bit on Sunday afternoon. I wasn't feeling great, so I decided to lay down for a bit-and woke up just before 6. At least then, I was feeling better. So, it was pretty clear that I was tired! But I did have a fairly good time, anyway, during the week. I had some good conversations with friends, mostly online; but I did happen to meet one on the bus each morning, which was pretty great.

Welcome Weekend

And last weekend was a very welcome one, with some very good things happening. I liked it a lot.

On Saturday, I was invited round a friend's house to eat. Well, I was actually invited a while ago. He's from Nigeria, and he's decided that he has got out of the habit of cooking Nigerian style, so he decided to invite a few friends round to try his cooking on us. Which was lovely. Both to be invited, and the actual food. There were just a few of us-him, me, my housemate, and another friend; but then he lives in a flat, so he probably couldn't fit many more in there anyway. We had a simple meal involving a LOT of chilli peppers; more than I would normally put in a meal, but it was tasty. I hope Nigerian cuisine becomes a semi-regular invitation. We also watched a film-we tried to watch 'Rango', but gave up on that, so we watched 'The Italian Job' instead. That's definitely worth watching. Overall, a good time was had by all, and I hope this happens again. And again.

And then Sunday was very relaxing, as I didn't have to do anything until the evening. I mean there were all sorts of things I could have done, but I didn't have to do any of them. I vaguely recall reading at some point in the afternoon (I don't recall the morning at all-probably because I was alseep), and I think I went online a bit; but in general, I wasn't actually doing anything much at all. And then in the evening, I went to Seek His Face again-and I even got there a bit late, even though it's later than my church service starts. So I got there while it was going on, and just joined in. I 'just happened' to see some friends from Stroud, and stood/sat near them, which was nice-and even better, when at one point, we were asked to pray for the people next to us, and my friend Sarah came and prayed for me. And then, a bit later, a lady got up and told us about God healing her from something very painful-clearly she wasn't in any pain while she was standing there. And then He told me to go up and tell people about what happened Thursday. Which was fairly easy, after actually doing it. I hope and pray that encourages a few people to listen to God and speak out when He says so-I'll mention it if anyone tells me of anything they've done recently.

So, all in all, a very good weekend. I liked it a lot.

Out Of August, Into Autumn

Well, after the weekend, we had a bank holiday, and I spent most of that with friends. I went out for lunch with a few, and then went to buy a map with one of them. I then got to buy a book in Waterstones, which came as a bit of a surprise to me. I hadn't had that in mind, but clearly God had other ideas. On the Tuesday, I got a bit of a surprising text, telling me we were back on street teams that week, which was a week earlier than I was expecting. I don't remember anything much about the Wednesday, but on the Thursday, I decided I should go out with street teams; which turned out to be a really good idea. It appeared that they were unsure if they would be able to get people together to go out until October; but it turned out that the next two weeks were fine if they could get someone to collect the food from Soho. So I offered to do that.
And on the Friday, I was invited to a friend's housewarming party.Well, I'd actually been invited a couple of weeks before, but had forgotten when it was-I thought it was the Saturday. Thankfully, my housemate reminded me in time, and I wandered along. And that was a brilliant occasion. There were loads of people I knew there, not just Becky and Glen, who had invited me. People I hadn't seen for ages, and people I don't spend much time with. I even met a couple of new people, which is always good. there was plenty of laughter, conversation, and fun-and a general good time was had by all. And the thought of arranging to see some films with Dapo, at some point. That was my experience of it, anyway. May there be many more like that, as many as possible. And on the actual Saturday, it was back to work as usual, except, slightly unusually, Jess was back from maternity leave-sort of. Apparently, it is a legal requirement to offer something called 'keeping in touch days' so the new mum can continue to work a few days during the year. It was nice to have her back, anyway.

And then, the Sunday was the first of September, so technically also the first day of autumn. I had a very relaxing Sunday-a friend came round for a bit in the afternoon, and then I went to church in the evening. And again, a good time was had by all-that being my experience, anyway. The Monday was also relaxing, as I had that day off, which is unusual; but I had been asked to work my normal day off in the Gloucester shop. Which was fine, as a change is always interesting, and I did get a day off, being two days in a row. And Wednesday was a bit up in the air. I had been trying to sort out going round a friend's house with a couple of friends to watch a film, but that didn't happen, so I felt it was right to go to my cluster social after all. Which, again, was fun-this spending time with people appears to be quite good. I think I like it. And Thursday was memorable for a totally unexpected reason.
I was on the bus going home from working in Gloucester quite happily reading (the book I'd bought Bank Holiday Monday actually), when a girl got on the bus and sat beside me. Nothing unusual there, except for the fact that God said 'tell her she's beautiful'. You know, NOT the sort of thing you want to hear on a perfectly ordinary bus journey. Well, I sat there, at first trying to ignore it, and then arguing with God, trying to persuade Him that it really wasn't a good idea for me to do so; and then He said, 'also, tell her don't worry'. I had picked up that she was getting off the bus in Cheltenham, same as me; so I knew I had plenty of time, so I carried on trying to avoid it. Eventually, it got to a point where I said 'do I really have to?'; and He answered ' no, but if you don't, it's not you who'll miss out'. And I couldn't really argue with that; I just had to figure out how to do it. Well, as we were geting into town, she turned to me to ask me something about where the bus would stop, and I took the opportunity, and said 'you may think this is a bit weird, but...' I explained that I'm a Christian and God sometimes speaks to me, and He'd said 'don't worry' (that seemed the easier one to say). She smiled and thanked me, in quite a matter of fact way, so I got enough courage to say what He had said first-at which point, she smiled even more, if that were possible, and thanked me again. And said that she does often worry about all sorts of things. We chatted for a few minutes, and then the bus pulled up, so she got off the bus still smiling, and thanked me again. And that was that. To be honest, I was a bit exhausted, so I sat there for a few minutes before I pulled myself together and got off the bus-off to get the food for street teams.

So, I went out with street teams a bit later, which was still a bit quiet, and then later went to Hungry for God (a weekly prayer meeting). We got together to pray a one point about where we wanted the Kingdom of God to particularly break in, and I felt that one important thing was this blog. So we prayed about that.

A Great Greenbelt Weekend

So, at the last Seek His Face (next one coming up soon), the band were talking about going to Rivercamp, which is held over the August bank holiday-the same weekend as Greenbelt. So you might think that would be an easy decision for me, as anyone who knows me well knows I don't really like Greenbelt. (This isn't anything to do with Greenbelt itself, really, it's just that it feels too big for me to be really comfortable.) But Rivercamp, although not that far away, is just far enough that I would need a lift to be able to get there. However, I did feel that maybe, just maybe, I should make the effort to do so.

That's sort of by way of being a prologue. That thought, or something similar, continued to buzz round my head for the rest of the week. The main thing that was happening that week was a friend coming to stay the night before he went off to Greenbelt himself. Which was unfortunately a bit short -just one night- but it was great, as he doesn't live locally, and he'd just come back from travelling round New Zealand, so it was going to be good to catch up with him. So we sorted that out with my housemate, and figured out when he was going to get into Cheltenham, and I met him off the coach; ready for an evening's entertainment. We needed to get something to eat, as he'd just been travelling for about 5 hours (and there was no point in me getting food separately), so we went to a pub-where we ate, and then happily stayed for the next couple of hours.
We had a pint with our meals, and then decided to experiment a bit with the cocktail menu. By avoiding the pitchers, we had the possibility of trying quite a few more, including ones we hadn't tried before. Or for a while-like the red Aftershock, which used to be cinnamon and is now citrus. We bought a couple of rounds each, which I struggled with, not because I didn't have the money, but because my natural inclination is not to spend it -even on myself. But a while back, God spoke to me about being generous as a general way of living; and, though I'm still not good at it, I knew that I want to be. So I made the effort. And then we went home, where he met my housemate. And they immediately got into a long conversation. Which was good. And after that, we prayed. One of the things we prayed about was the buzzing thought that I should maybe go to Rivercamp. Or Greenbelt. Or something.

And so, the next day, off to work I went. Early in the morning for a change. And I met up with a friend after work. His last day home before going back to the army. And the Saturday was the same, as far as getting up early went. But I went out in the evening that time. I met up with a friend after work, and when I met her, I saw another friend who was only around for the day, purely by coincidence (maybe). And we ended up going to the cinema and seeing 'Kick-Ass 2'. Which was great-but quite different from the book. Which is hardly surprising, as I don't think they'd have been able to get a certificate if they'd filmed the book exactly. Sunday I ended up relaxing most of the day. Another friend phoned at some point and asked if I wanted to go to Greenbelt with him, but quite frankly, I was just too tired. I ended up going to church, which turned out to be fantastic. Apart from church itself being great, there were some friends of mine I hadn't seen for months-who also have been away recently. So, that was amazing. We caught up a bit, and chatted about going to Cwmbran, where they have been quite a few times recently. They said they'd be willing to give me a lift at some point when they go, so I look forward to that.

So, I ended up not doing anything out of the ordinary particularly that weekend, but I do think that thought was from God. Because of that, I thought about going to church or going somewhere else. It wasn't exactly as usual, as I hadn't actually been to my church for 3 or 4 weeks. The things that stuck in my mind about it are about being intentional, that often it doesn't matter what you do so much as actually choosing something. And also that relationships are important. Both of which I kind of knew/know, but that whole process really brought it home to me.

Seek His Face!

Ok, I'm a bit behind with these posts, since this was a couple of weeks ago-the weekend following the last post, in fact. It was the 'anniversary' Seek His Face event, as it was about a year since the first one of them was put on. And it was also the unofficial launch of  Andi Foster's album-there will be an 'official' launch at some point this month somewhere.   

                                                       
Anyway, I felt I should go along, that God wanted me there, though I didn't really know why. I didn't really know whether I actually wanted to be there, but I felt I should be, so I was. I was actually quite interested to see (hear?) the rest of Andi's music, as up to that point, I'd only heard the songs from the E.P.

Once I got there, I tried to relax and pay attention to God, but I found it difficult. However, after a bit, I kind of got the impression that relaxing and doing are not necessarily things that go together. So, as much as possible, I tried to let go. And that worked much better. Although, it does mean I can't really say what the result of that was, as I wasn't really in a state of mind where I was able to process much. However, one thing I am sure of, is that God was there, with me-and He seemed to be happy with that. I went up at the end to be prayed for, and though I'm not sure whether anyone did pray with me (I think someone did), I know that God touched me. In a way, I kind of think that this follows on from what happened at New Wine in a way. It seems that, at the moment, God isn't telling me to do anything in particular, but just to rest and wait. For now, anyway.

And, at the end, I got to chat to Andi, and he gave me a copy of the album (my pre-ordered copy-sort of); which is excellent, by the way. I strongly recommend you get it-you can find it here. Either a C.D. or a download. Oh, and he also said he wanted to meet up with me, as he wants me to get more involved in certain things-I'll say more about that when I know about it.