A Week Of Celebrations

Last week, I worked out I was out 7 out of 9 evenings. Which being as I'm an extreme introvert, probably wasn't the best decision I could have made, and it was exhausting. But it was also a great week, and I'm not sure I would have done anything differently if I could redo it.

It all started with a flatwarming party on the 18th (also, coincidentally, my mum's birthday) for someone in my cluster. She's actually been there a few months-I know because I helped her move in (a bit)-but this is the first chance she's had to relax since, as she was in 'The Sound Of Music' in December. Anyway, that going on, someone figured it might be a nice idea if some of us got together before and went out for a meal. So we did. We went to Bar and Wok, which I would definitely recommend. A nice time was had by all, and I discovered I'm not as bad at using chopsticks as I vaguely remember being. And then we went to the flat warming, which was fun. Spending time with people I hadn't seen for a while, lots of catching up and nonsense conversations; and, a bit later, some more serious conversations. With lots of laughter throughout. A most successful evening, I feel.
And then, the next day started way too early for my liking really. As I work Saturdays, I generally like to take it easy Sunday mornings; but, some friends of mine were having their daughter dedicated that morning, so I went along. I always like going to those services, especially as I get to catch up with friends I otherwise don't see for ages at a time. It's the first time I've seen Phoebe Cowe, who I have to say looks very like her mum, and appears quite good natured-though you'd have to ask her parents for their take on matters, being as they're the ones who are currently missing a lot of sleep.

Tuesday, my usual day off, was the next day I did something. As I couldn't meet up with my mum any earlier, we spent the day together. Which was nice. A bit odd, in one respect, though, as we ended up getting my birthday present, even though mine isn't for another couple of weeks. We also sorted out meeting up again with my sister and family for a meal, and talked about having a family photo done. Oh, and for those of you who are wondering, I did get her a present as well.

Wednesday evening was cluster, and it was the second session on 'How Do I Make My Life Count'. It was about belonging and community. Which is not just important, but basically vital. It's almost impossible to grow as a person withour people around you to support you and encourage you. And, you know, just in case I haven't mentioned it before, I know my cluster is definitely a place where that happens. And I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. But I'm definitely becoming more open through being part of it; and building relationships, both old and new. Which is definitely a good thing and a God thing.

Thursday evening I didn't go out anywhere, not even Street Teams-I don't do that every week now. Which was probably a good thing, but then Friday was a friend's birthday celebration, so I was out again. It had a bit of a strange start, as we were supposed to meet in a particular pub at 8, so I figured I'd get there a little after that. I arrived at 8:15, and I was the second one there. And the other one wasn't the 'host', as it were. In fact, she didn't turn up for quite some time after; quite a crowd had gathered before she turned up. Never mind, though, she got there, and a good time was had by everyone. Catching up with people I hadn't seen for a while, and getting to know some people a bit better. Lots of chat and laughter went on until I was surprised to find it was almost midnight-and as I had to be at work at 9 the next morning, I really thought it was about time I got home. So I walked home with a friend who lives near me, as of a couple of weeks ago; which was nice. And proably didn't go straight to bed and sleep, I can't really remember, but it doesn't seem likely.

That was 5 of the 7, and the following weekend was another two. But to be honest, I don't really remember those two evenings, as I was far too tired to really focus. Bit of a shame, but there it is-I really need to remember that I am an introvert, and therefore don't deal well with large groups without time to recharge. Led to some interesting times of prayer, though. Oh, and one other thing that deserves a mention is that a relationship with a friend that almost completely broke down last year is well on the way to being restored, and this week was good for that too.

One Word!

A while back, someone I'm in touch with sent me this post about asking God for a word from Him to direct your year. The word will be something to focus on over the year, and, as you do so, He will put you in situations where He will show you how the word is important in your life. To shape and direct you as much as guide you to the future He has for you. Now I don't know why she sent it to me, but I am sure that God is behind it.

I started to pray about it immediately, and He gave me the word straight away; but I doubted it was the right word. Mainly because it just didn't sound right. The word for me was (and is) 'surprise'. When I heard that, I wasn't sure about it, for a couple of reasons. One, because I was expecting a 'spiritual' word; and, two, because I wondered what I could do with it. I thought that if it was the word, then it would be all about God doing things, and catching me by surprise; but, not really anything I could do anything about-after all, I can't exactly surprise myself. But further questioning revealed that I was both right and wrong. Right in what the word is, that has been the only answer I've received on asking; and wrong on what I thought of it.

There is actually something I can focus on and pray about in this-and it is a challenge. One attitude He wants to challenge (is challenging) is the idea that certain things in my life are never going to change-either that I can't change them, or He isn't going to. Or both. And to go along with that, the fact that when (not if) He changes things, I will have to do things in response. Some of those responses will be easy, or at least straightforward; and some most definitely won't. But, if He does things, He will expect me to grasp the opportunities He creates, and go for them.

I've been listening to the song 'Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) tonight, which contains the line "I'll find You in the mystery"; which seems quite straightforward. After all, if God is God, then we should expect not to ever fully understand Him. But, as far as this goes, if I seriously look into Him, I should expect to be surprised-and to a certain extent, if I'm not, I'm probably not paying attention; maybe taking Him for granted. And that is not only disrespectful rude wrong, but also dangerous. I mean, if I'm going to trust someone, I should get to know them, right?

So, in the (almost) three weeks of the year so far, have there been any indications of things I might get surprised by. Well, this is an obvious example. I've done more posts quicker than ever before, and I still have plenty of ideas. Which is great. But I still have to do them. Which is kind of the point, I think. Whatever He gives me (us?), I (we?) have to do something about/with. The other main thing I have some sense might be changing this year are my relationships. I noticed that towards the end of last year, that I've started a lot of new relationships and refreshed some old ones. And what I noticed with that is that it is difficult. Well, duh. But, again, the whole point. If I want things to get better (and things can always get better, somehow), then I have to be willing to put the work in. And keep doing it. For as long as necessary, which may well be longer than I think-or want it to be. Right?

As an aside, we have been using Oceans for about a year at my church; and, I've always found it a powerful song. There is a refrain in it which talks about asking him to lead me me where my trust is without borders, which I've always enjoyed singing; but, always without fail, found somewhat scary. I think this means that those prayers are being answered. And I'm still scared. But that's good, I think-at least that means I'm taking it seriously. And Him.

Back To Normal-ness

Well, after all the fun and games going on over Christmas and New Year, normal life was always going to be a bit...well, bland. Which is mainly why I have taken so long to write about what has happened so far in this new year.

Because so far, not much has happened; either good or bad. I mean, obviously stuff has happened, I haven't just slept for almost a fortnight (though if I had, that might be worth talking about); but, not actually much of any interest. One highlight over the last 10 days was playing 'Zombies'-definitely good to know it was just as much fun the second time around-but, you know, not really something worth talking about in detail.

And, other than that, not really much has gone on. Work has been quieter than usual, overall, I think; and I haven't really gone out much in the evenings. So, so far, January has been a lot quieter than December; which is kind of to be expected, I guess. After all, with the end of the year celebrations, there's a lot more going on in December than most other times; and, not so many people want to really do much right after that because they're exhausted/feeling poor/needing to catch up on work/etc.

So, not much has happened. Yet. But I know that things won't continue in that vein, as I know certain things that are coming up soon. For instance, I'm going to a friend's flat warming party tomorrow, and my mum and my sister both have birthdays over the next week or so. Which will be good, and give me something more to talk about-if I get the time.

However, one thing that is worth talking about is the new course/programme/thing at church. Called 'How Do I Make The Most Of My Life?' it's going to be over 5 weeks-which means it will finish in the middle of Feb. Which means I can't really tell much about it yet, as we have only done one week of it so far. But it's been powerful so far.

I would say that what I have seen so far of this year is that it seems to be giving my relationships a (needed) boost. I'm not sure if there's a particular reason, but that definitely seems to be something that God has been blessing. And I have been responding well, and enjoying it.

And the other thing, which should be pretty obvious, is that I have been doing a lot more on this blog-and hopefully, some interesting posts coming up. I have had plenty of ideas (which doesn't seem to be changing, growing if anything), so I look forward to the future in that regard as well...

Communions

I may have mentioned that church a couple of days ago was a communion service, but I didn't mention that I started thinking about communions and how some of them have affected me. This was partly because this was a topic of conversation at New Year; and partly because it's not something we do all that often at my church, so when we do, I kind of notice.

So, communions I have known (or, at least remember). Starting with the most recent-the first of this new year. What I remember feeling most about this one was that it seemed to be a welcome. Hugs and handshakes going on all over. As well as the service itself being welcoming, due to the fact that there were loads of people there I hadn't seen for a while; it felt like a welcome to me due to the fact that the last time I had been at church (Christmas Eve) was also a communion service, and so, it felt like a continuation in a way, linking to last year. Maybe just for me, but that is what it felt like. So, not something new, but the next step to the next stage of whatever God has for me, here and there.

So, the last one I went to, at midnight Christmas Eve, stood out for slightly different reasons. Of course, there were people there I hadn't seen for a while, some of them not at the new year service; but that's not what I remember most about it. What stands out about the actual communion is the fact that I got given a large piece of bread. Let me explain. One communion I will always remember was one from a youth camp somewhere somewhen which was also done with bread that we could break off ourselves; and I remember clearly noticing that there was plenty of bread left over. God spoke to me about that, saying 2 things: one was that there is always plenty of him to go around; and, the other thing was a warning, almost, just pointing out that the reason there was so much bread left over was because people hadn't taken it; so how often do we not get as much of/from Him than we need because we don't do what we need to? To get back to Christmas, the reason this stood out was that it felt like God was just pointing out that He was giving Himself to me generously. Because it was Christmas? Because it was near the end of the year? Or just because He's God, and He likes doing things like that? It doesn't really matter, just that it did bring that to mind for me.

Another one I remember clearly is the one from last year's Good Friday service. I always like the good Friday services, which are always quiet and meditative; and completely different every year. This year, it was based around an art exhibition, so there were paintings along the walls; and, as part of it, we were directed to look around at them. I say 'directed', but that isn't quite accurate, one of the features of these services is that they are designed to be as free as possible, with a minimum of liturgy. However, the reason this one stands out in my memory is that it was the first time I have helped with the communion itself. I felt it to be a real privilege; the whole thing felt different to me.

And the other one which will stick in my mind for a while, for completely different reasons is one where I didn't take part in the communion at all. Because I was unable to, due to crying so much. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why I was crying; but, at the time, I was going through a very stressful time I think I just needed to let go. I started crying at some point during the worship, and continued until some point after the communion had finished; and I just couldn't move. However, I definitely don't feel that I missed out-God was with me in and through that. Communion is one point that He asks us to meet with Him; but He doesn't want us to be religious about it - He isn't.

The Last And The First

And so, for this first post about the new year, I'm starting off with the end of the last year.Nothing much happened on the Monday, so let's leap straight into New Year's Eve. I was at work during the day, same as the week before, and again, it wasn't that busy (though busier than the day before) with lots of interesting children's TV. I think-I can't actually remember. Business tailed off shortly after lunchtime, and I got told to close the shop sometime after 3, and went home. Where I tried my hardest not to fall asleep. I must have done fairly well, cos I was still going strong in the evening when me and my housemate went to a New Year's Eve party.
Which was a pretty good affair, all in all. I knew everyone there, as it wasn't a huge number; but it was a nice gathering. With lots of fun, food, and friends; and random chat. And then, all of a sudden, it was just before midnight (how did that happen?), and we all went to watch the Greenwich celebrations on TV. And then we continued to chat. I finally got home about 2ish, though I didn't get to sleep for a while after...

Which was a bad thing, really, cos I'd agreed to meet a friend in town for a hot beverage (it would be far easier to say coffee, but I can't stand the stuff). I mean that wasn't a bad thing, but not having much sleep really didn't do me much good. But we met up about 11, and stayed there about an hour before he had to go back up to Worcester. And then I went home, and once again struggled to stay awake for a while-until the evening, when I was awake again, and went to bed in the early hours of the morning again. Though this time, I didn't have to get up the next day. And that was a good thing too; as that evening, I discoverd I must have slept through my alarm-quite impressive, as I'm pretty sure it goes off every few minutes for an hour. I mean, I've never checked, but I think so. And then I got up early afternoon (because I could), and went into town. Where I went to the library, and then spent some of my gift cards on a game-as you will know from my last post. Later, me and my housemate played the game, which was all about killing zombies-and, if you're unlucky, getting killed by them. A pastime I would definitely recommend. And then I wrote a blog post-or, at least, finished it; I started it around about October time, I think. Which finishes off that day, and on my third day off that week, I did nothing. Well, I didn't leave the house, anyway. I did a few things inside, like read, but I do that most days.

And, so, this gets me all the way to Saturday, which was my first day back at work. And this was a bit different, cos I had someone else in with me. Which hasn't been the case for months. As the Gloucester branch is temporarily closed due to the roof of the bus station collapsing (not as serious as it sounds, honest), the manager of Gloucester came over. Which was nice. Especially as we were actually quite busy. And then I got home, and had to struggle to stay awake again, as I had to go out. But before that, a friend came round who I hadn't seen since before Christmas. So that was nice as well, even if I could hardly focus on what he was saying. I went off to Gloucester to see some friends I hadn't seen for a while (which reminds me, I need to email any news they haven't figured out for themselves from reading this). And again, ended up going to bed quite late.
So, that means I didn't see much of the start of Sunday, but I did go to church in the evening (after finishing off another blog post-which means this is currently my fourth post this year-how did that happen?), whic was definitely a brilliant place to be. The service itself was pretty good, but what really made it so good for me was I seemed to be catching up with loads of people I hadn't seen for a while. People coming back after Christmas; and what was absolutely amazing was seeing a friend I hadn't seen for years cos she was in Bristol, to find out that she's moved back to Cheltenham. For the forseeable future, at least. So, all in all, a wonderful start to the New Year. I definitely hope that the year continues this way-though with hopefully a bit more sleep.

Zombies!

A few days ago, I went to spend my gift cards that I got for Christmas. Most being for Waterstones, as, for some reason, people who know me well thought I might like to go to a bookshop. So, I went to said bookshop, and bought...a game. Called Zombies, it's pretty self explanatory-as the game says, it's not very nice, but it is a lot of fun. And, after playing it, I can definitely agree with the fun part.

After playing it, I started thinking about zombies, and how popular they have become. Which in itself is kind of strange. I mean, what is there about them that's really likable? They're just walking (well, shambling, anyway) dead bodies. No intelligence, no emotions, no real aim in (un)life-except maybe to eat. And yet, starting from the George Romero films, they have become a bigger and bigger part of popular culture; including board games, card games, TV series, films in various genres (Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead being two of my favourites), and even appear on the CDC website. Apparently when that first appeared, they had so much traffic, the site shut down for a few days. And they still have it up because they reckon if you're prepared for a zombie pandemic, you're prepared for just about anything...

So, they're clearly really popular; but why? If it's not the zombies themselves, it must be something they represent. After all, zombie films are basically disaster movies when it comes down to it (as an aside, what exactly is the difference between a disaster movie and a horror film). So, it could well have something to do with the idea that people like being scared-as long as it's in a safe situation. For example, at the height of the Cuban Missile Crisis, this was top of the charts.

And what could be safer than zombies? Cos, apart from the fact that they're fundamentally unlikely to ever happen; they're also slow. Which gives the possibility of them being played as comedy as easily as terror-note my fave films mentioned earlier. Someone once said something along the lines of 'Comedy is when something happens to you; tragedy is when it happens to me'-i.e. the more of a distance there is between you and it, the funnier it can be.

A bit like going out on a Saturday night, as I did last night. By then end of the evening, you may well see people looking a bit like zombies:-groups wandering/stumbling around apparently aimlessly who can look quite amusing from a distance, but, it's all too easy for violence to explode. Which leads me neatly on to another reason why I think zombies are popular (almost like I'd planned this)-they look like us, but they are clearly not us. The threat, the 'bad guys' in this situation are clearly not how we can ever be described; no, never, not us.
It's well known that George Romero wrote his zombie films as a reflection of how he saw society at the time. You can't exactly call them 'satire', cos that would imply that they were primarily intended to be funny; and that's definitely not a good description-though they definitely do contain a lot of humour. Which may be why the earlier ones are more popular than the later ones-I've seen them, and they're good films. Apart from the fact that they have had longer to get into the public consciousness (including remakes and rip-offs), with the earlier ones, it is clear that those films are describing someone else; that we, as a society are not racist and materialistic like that any more. All the more so in countries other than the U.S.-we can happily watch them in the knowledge that that's what America is like, and indulge ourselves with the illusion that we were never like that. Though with the increasing globalisation of culture, particularly music and film, who knows how long we will be able to comfortably be able to say that...

Looking Back - And Forward

This post is a bit late really, as it's looking back at the first year of doing this blog-which happened at the end of September. Though that's not actually a bad thing, as it gives me a bit of time to reflect on what I've done with it and learned and what I'd like to do; because I really had no idea when I started. About all I knew for certain, apart from than that God wanted me to do it (and one reason for that is that I can write, therefore I should, as much as possible), was that some/most of it would be autobiographical. Indeed, the first post is all about me. Sort of. It's clearly, looking back, very hesitant, with some (poor) attempts at humour; but, still, quite a few people have read it. Maybe just out of curiosity because it was the first post-but they did read it.

So, looking back, what has this last year held, and what has the blog become?
Well, it's fairly clear what the year has held, because, as I thought would probably be the case, most of it is autobiographical. So you just have to look back over previous posts to see some of what I got up to and what happened (to me). Not all of it, because when I was particularly busy, I didn't really have time to write as many posts as I wished I could have-and when I was in feeling low I didn't write many posts either. Which is why it isn't as regular as I might have hoped, though I can't really say I'm surprised at that. I am almost surprised that it's kept going, as persistence has never been one of my strong points; but I know God has helped me in that-and most of the time, I've enjoyed writing it. And enjoyed people's comments when they've given them.

Is there anything that stands out to me over the past year?
I'm not sure that there's anything about the blog itself that stands out to me, but a few of the things I actually did do. For instance, when I started, I didn't realise how often I would see performances of various things. I think that's actually another instance of God's sense of humour-I've always liked theatre, but I haven't seen that much of it in the time up to starting this, and then several things in the one year (and a bit). The other thing that I guess stands out is the fact that I wrote about various church services. I mean, I go to church generally at least once a week, so there's plenty of material there; but, there are ones I've written about which are a bit different, in various ways.

And is there anything that is surprising, particularly pleasing or disappointing about it so far?
To be honest, there's not actually that much that's surprising, because I didn't really have any expectations when I started it. But one thing that has really quite surprised me are the poems. Partly the fact that I wrote poems at all, because I've been struggling with that over the past couple of years; but also the fact that so many have ended up as posts-here and here, for instance-and have been popular. One of them is currently the most viewed post on here. I'm quite pleased that there have been quite a variety of topics, some very unexpected. the things I have been most disappointed in are that, generally, it still isn't viewed that much; though more than it was. And, also, that my post with the lowest number of views is the one about my birthday celebrations. I really hope that this year's one is better read-especially as it's a big birthday.

Given all that, is there anything that I will change going forward?
I'd love to be able to say that I plan to do 10-15 posts a month every month, or that I intend to write about a whole range of particular subjects;, but I know that won't work. If I plan too far ahead and something goes wrong (which it almost certainly would-the one thing you can predict with certainty is that the unpredicted will happen at some point), then I would struggle to get it back on track. I am amazed at people who manage to blog almost every day. So, all I will say is that I definitely intend to continue, and I will certainly try to blog more often. But other than that, I can't say. Watch this space, as it were...

And what am I looking forward to this year coming up?
Again, not something I would like to go into great detail on, because I just don't know yet. one thing I can say I'm looking forward to is my birthday celebrations, because, as I said, it's a big one this year. But mainly just more of what was good about this year continuing-I intend to write a post sort of about resolutions at some point, so I may discuss this whole thing there. I'll probably have more of an idea by then as well.

Christmas Presence!

As I mentioned in my last post, on Friday I wrote a poem-something I haven't done for a while. So I felt it was right to share it here. Enjoy (and maybe more...)

Christmas Presence 

A time for family,

For sharing - everything.

Sharing meals, sharing time

And experiences;

Spending time with old friends and new,

And giving presents;

But, most of all, sharing yourself.

A time for a family,

To remember - it all.

Remembering the heart, 

The centre; 

The real meaning of Christmas,

The baby born;

Who then grew up to change history.

There, that's it. Quite a short post.