Christmas Eve To Boxing Day

Christmas Eve was a long day, because I was working in the morning; so I was there from 9. I did wonder if it would be worth opening, but we did take about double what we took on the Monday. However, it was still quiet enough that I managed to watch a lot of T.V. clearly enough to remember. I saw most of 'The 'Gruffalo', and a children's version of  'A Christmas Carol' (with a robot called Robert), which ended in a huge party-so that's two this year. I also watched a bit of the Jim Carrey version, which is strange, because it's live action, but it looks kind of animated.
Anyway, I finished there about 1, and then went into town to finish my Christmas shopping. Hardly surprising, as I'm a bloke, and we're not allowed to be that organised. Actually, it wasn't that difficult, as I'd bought most stuff already; I just needed to buy a couple of other things for most people, and a lot of things for my niece. And, with the exception of my niece, I got most of the things in one shop. So, after that, I had a quick drink in Costa (where there appeared to be another new member of staff), and then went home. Where I then spent some time writing this post before going on facebook for a bit. And then I went to church, for the midnight Communion service. Which is one of my favourite services in the year. I like it because it's quiet and because it leads into Christmas, but mainly because of the atmosphere. It's a more thoughtful (and thought provoking) service than the standard ones. My absolute favourite is whatever happens on Good Friday, which is different every year, but that's also more thought provoking than normal. It's also good cos I get to see people I don't see that often, as people who used to live here come up to visit family. So, after that finished, I got to wish several people 'Happy Christmas' pretty much right at the beginning of the day. Which was nice. 

And so I got up the next morning ready to celebrate Wednesday *CHRISTMAS*!!! Which I think is worth celebrating. but my housemate had gone off to his parents, so there was no-one around-until my sister came to pick me up. But what with all the other things I had to do to get ready, I hadn't managed to wrap the presents. So my sister offered to do most of them, while I wrapped hers. Which took us about the same time. And then we went off to see the rest of the family at my mum's-and then all decamped to my sister's. Don't ask, because I don't know. I was told not to ask, so I didn't. And then we started the big event of the day, unwrapping presents. Or at least my niece did, and the rest of us caught up in a bit. A few hours went by, during which I saw some of 'Tangled', a splendid film (which reminded me of a couple of people) and I prayed a bit in the kitchen. Just because that was the only empty room at the time. And when my sister's bloke got home from work, we had food. Which was nice. And relaxed for a bit, before going back to my mum's (well, me and her, anyway); where I had more presents to unwrap. I was hoping for books and socks. I didn't really get many books for Christmas, but I did get gift cards; so there may well be more books arriving in my house before too long. And that took us to a surprisingly late time of evening; so that was pretty much it fo the day.

And thenwe get to St Stephen's Day. I know nothing about him, except when his feast day is-the day after Christmas. Which was a lazy day, because I could be. I got up late and didn't do anything much until the evening, when we went round to visit friends' of my mum, who always have a little something on this day. Which was brilliant as always. Nice and relaxing and fun and great company as ever. And plenty of food. More presents were exchanged, and I got another gift card; so I will definitely be buying something soon, though it may not be books. Who knows?

So, that was my Christmas time. And on the Friday, before going home, I managed to write a poem...

Monday To Mentoring To (More) Mulled Wine

And so we now get to Mon 16th, when I went to a friend's house to watch 'Scrooged' on their 92" screen. Very nice; so they make the most of it by having film nights while it is dark-not so much point in the Summer. Anyway, one of my personal Xmas traditions is to read or watch a version of 'A Christmas Carol' at some point in December. And that was one I hadn't seen before. Now I have; and I have to say it's worth it. Very funny, and it does a great job at doing the story differently. I'd definitely be up for watching it again.

Tuesday was so quiet I can't remember much happening. Apart from telephone conversations with friends I don't see that often-so two conversations kept me on the phone for almost four hours. Seriously. But on the other hand, I probably won't talk to them again for weeks, at least.

Wenesday, on the other hand, was very busy. After work (you know, that thing I go to every now and then), I met up with a friend who I'm kind of mentoring. I say 'kind of', as he doesn't really need to get my advice, so much as the opportunity to talk about what he's up to and turn it over himself. He's working as a Chaplain's Assistant at the University, and doing a Master's alongside it. But what he mostly talked about was the stuff he's doing in the Uni. His relationships with students, and churches; what good things he's been seeing; and what issues and opportunites he sees ahead. I think he has a very good idea of what God is doing in him and through him, and how to make the most of that. Which is brilliant.
And then, after that, I went home and got changed in time to go out again. For my cluster Christmas meal. There were quite a few of us, including a couple who aren't technically part of the cluster-yet. Nineteen in total. Which meant we couldn't all sit together, so there was a fair bit of wandering about; as well as a lot of noise and laughter. And at the end, we got a photo taken of the lot of us-don't we look wonderful.

On Thursday, I went out with Street Teams for the last time this year. It's always a bit strange going out when late night shopping is on, because it kind of feels a bit like we're in the way. I just have to think that we're there whatever; we're not doing it to show off in any way. We go out because people need help and because we can. I had a couple of interesting conversations with a couple who have both come off drugs recently and have no idea of going back-but that's the only point the conversations had in common. One was saying how he couldn't think how he could get a job, and his girlfriend was focussed on the fact that she had hope of something different, a different future. She was really looking forward to Christmas for the first time in years, and also her appointment with a counsellor in January. She said that, for her, drugs were about hiding, and she wasn't going to hide any more.

Friday nothing memorable happened (you know, cos I can't remember it), but Saturday I went to a party. Again with people I hadn't seen for a while-it seems as if that's something of a theme this month. Which is a good thing. Now I just have to keep in touch a bit better as we go into a new year.
And, finally, Sunday. Another party, sort of. It was actually more of a gathering of people, mainly from cluster before we all went to church for the carol service. But it was good fun, and I had the opportunity to have more mulled wine. And then the carol service itself; which was actually really beautiful. And after, I got the chance to catch up with a few people I hadn't seen for a while, which is always good-and plans were amde for the end of the week, maybe.

Sort-of Social Diary

And so, following on from my last post, I'll start telling you a few of the things I've been enjoying this December...

Starting on the 6th, which was a day earlier than I was expecting. The 7th was, unfortunately, triple booked, so I had to move one thing to the Friday; which was going to see friends at their house. Which was nice. Bit of a shame that one of them was ill, and couldn't really join us, but still a nice, relaxing evening was had by the two of us who remained. I was kind of half expecting to see the kids, but they were in bed; so we just had a bit of a random conversation and watched amusing T.V., and made fun of the cat. Because what else are cats for?
And then on the Saturday, I did one of the other things I'd agreed to do that evening-go to the theatre. It was easy to choose, because of the whole having paid for the ticket thing. It was the Jacob's Well performance of the year, with the profits once again going to charity-Hope for Justice this year. This year, the production was 'The Sound of Music', and it was brilliant. I've never seen the film, and I really enjoyed it-I'll have to get around to seeing it, so I can see how different it was. The main thing I was surprised by was how many of the songs I actually knew quite well; but, also, how sad the tone of the whole play was. Apparently, that was definitely down to the director; so I look forward to seeing the film at some point.
And then, on Sunday, I didn't go to church-at least not mine. I went to a event for people from any church in the local area, which is held once a month called Seek His Face. Again, as has been the case before, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to be there, but felt that I should be; so I went. And was glad I did. On the way there, I was praying about something (well, sort of complaining, really)-something that I don't know how it's going to turn out or what to do about. And when I got there, that didn't seem to matter anymore. It definitely isn't sorted, and won't be for the forseeable future; but I spent some time with God, where He wanted me to be, and that's what mattered. The other thing I remember about the evening was the music. Often, when worship music is played, it sounds sort of like AOR, but this sounded different. More like folk/country/blues singer/songwriter sort of sound. Certainly not like anything else I've heard recently. And I really liked it.

Monday was quite quiet, with nothing in the evening, but Tuesday was quite different. It was my day off, as usual, but instead of me basically spending the day on my own until Alpha in the evening, I was with people from early afternoon. Because one of the Element evenings had been cancelled, that was on then, but there isn't so much to do for that, so the chefs had decided to hang around and play games; and I joined them. Which was great fun, with chocolate and music and Monty Python, followed by Cluedo. And then, in the evening, I went off to the cinema to meet a few friends to see 'Frozen'. And thoroughly enjoyed it, by the way. It's well worth seeing.

Wednesday was my cluster as usual, and we were meeting at the new house of one of the couples. And someone new joined the cluster. And it was very Christmassy, what with their tree being up, and 5 boxes of mince pies to be consumed. Other than that, it was a pretty normal cluster evening. Which is to say it was fiun and interesting. We ended by splitting into smaller groups and saying positive things to each other. True ones, obviously. Which was interesting as well as encouraging. And then some of us went to the pub at the end of my road, which is already a firm favourite. And even better, when we got there, I saw a couple of friends I hadn't seen for ages-months in one case. So we caught up a bit, and talked about meeting up soon.
Thursday likewise was pretty normal. I decided not to go out with Street Teams, though I definitely intended to the week after. But I did go to Hungry for God.
Friday was a surprisingly quiet evening. I did have the chance to go and see Riding Lights Theatre Company, but decided I was too tired, and actually quite fancied a night in. And then I was invited out to the pub, and thought about going. I didn't go, and later discovered it was someone's birthday celebration. Oh well, never mind-I probably needed the rest.

Saturday evening was quite busy, in contrast, so that was probably a good thing. I met up with one of the friends I saw on Wednesday in the early evening, and later on, I went to 'Christmas Drinks' at another friend's. It was good to see Rose, and catch up, as I hadn't seen her properly for literally months. It looks like I may be seeing quite a bit more of her in the future, as she may well join my cluster. Which will be nice, I think. And 'Christmas Drinks' was also good, catching up with a few other people I hadn't seen for a while-and mixing mulled wine with Archer's. Very nice.
And on Sunday, the talk at church was part of a series called 'A Christmas Carol'. It was based on 'Hark, The Herald Angels Sing', and it was about several things. It was about the fact that when God came, He came as the lowest of the low, only attended by His earthly family; it was about how the first people the news was proclaimed to were the lowest of the low, that right from the start, He was about inclusion; it was about the fact that He is a King worthy of beong proclaimed by a crowd of angels; and it was about the fact that when God speaks, we should respond in some way-different things said requiring different responses.

Coming Up To Christmas

Well, December seems to be a pretty busy month, and I'm fairly sure it's busier this year than last year. There are all sorts of events that people go to or put on just at this time of year, and I've been invited to lots. So many in fact, that I actually can't go to all of them, as some of them clash.

At the beginning of the month, there were only a few that I knew of, and now it's almost reached double figures. And that's without all the normal things I do in a week anyway. It's getting to the point where I almost don't have an evening free, though it's not there yet. Some of them were organised back in October, and some of them have just been decided on this week.
 There is one cinema trip, two plays, three Christmas drinks, one meal out, and one film at someone's house. That I can remember, anyway. There would have been another party, but that was one of the things that clashed. It's nice to so popular, and all of these people are good friends, so I do definitely want to see them. Some of them I haven't seen properly for quite some time now. And the films are both ones I definitely want to see, one of them for ages. I don't like seeing films on my own, so it's unlikely I would have seen them otherwise. One of them is 'Scrooged', which I particularly want to see, as I like to try to read or watch one version of 'A Christmas Carol' every year at this point, and that's one I haven't seen yet. So, it looks like it will be a very enjoyable and social time leading up to Christmas, which isn't the case every month...

But, while I think this is a great thing, and I definitely am going to be joining in (as a personal thing, mulled wine is one of the best things about Christmas, in my opinion-and roasted chestnuts); I have also been thinking about the other run-up to Christmas. You know, what Christmas is all about. That time of great sacrifice, where God led by example. It was a sacrifice for others as well, but essentially, it was all down to God. It's easy to think of Easter as a time of sacrifice (yes, remember, the two are linked), but not so easy to think the same at Christmas. I remember a friend once told me that she had a new appreciation for the Christmas story after the birth of her first child. She said in seeing just how helpless a baby actually is, and how dependent on her for absolutely everything, she just how vulnerable God had allowed Himself to be-and that thought really brought it home to me. I kind of realised before that God's sacrifice started there, rather than at Good Friday, or even when He first left home to become an itinerant preacher; but this really showed me how much love and trust He had in humans. And if He had that much trust then, it's not (quite) so difficult to believe that He might have some trust in me, too. And in you.

Mainly Men

So, after a week off, how did I fare back into the real world, as it were? You know, with schedules and things. Well, actually surprisingly well. Quite often I don't feel rested after time off, and could do with another couple of days, but this time I felt great. I was actually feeling ready for work and quite well enough rested this time, which surprised me. But obviously nothing much had changed in the world of work, but I had an unexpected theme arising in the evenings.

Monday evening was an event put on by the men's ministry at church-such as it is. Which at the moment isn't really anything. The reason for this is that the guy who used to lead it has now gone off to train to be a vicar, and the leaders decided they wouldn't do anything straight away; but would ask the men what they wanted out of the ministry. Which is what the meeting was all about really. First, we talked about what it means to be a man, and then a Godly man; and then we were talking about what sort of things we wanted to have which would help us become more like that. A bit, anyway. That came right at the end-deliberately. They wanted us to think about what we thought we wanted to be/should be, before anything else. With that in mind, they wanted us to go away and think about what we thought would help us achieve that and email them. Which reminds me-I still have to do that.

Tuesday was Alpha as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary there. But Wednesday was small group, and instead of the usual small group, we had split into men and women. I was in the men's group, if anyone is unsure. Apart from having 'man snacks' instead of cakes, it wasn't actually that much different. Except that I listened a lot, and didn't really talk much. Not exactly what I usually do-so much so, it was actually remarked on. Someone asked why I was so quiet, and I said it was because I didn't have anything to say. Always better to keep quiet in that case, I think. 

And on Thursday, I also did something a bit different. Instead of going to a prayer meeting, which I could have done, I spent time with a friend. Just chilling, chatting and watching a DVD. We watched 'Green Lantern', which isn't as bad as you may have heard; but almost certainly won't have a sequel. Anyway, we just had a nice, relaxing time. Which was great.

Friday was probably more relaxing. I say that because I can't actually remember doing anything that evening. At all. And that brings us to the weekend, which was pretty good, all in all. After work, a friend came round-this one female. You know, that's why the title's 'mainly' men. It was good to see her, as I haven't seen her properly for ages. She had about an hour or so spare in between the sessions at the Third Person conference. Which was apparently absolutely fantastic, and the podcasts are apparently just as powerful. I intend to check them out.
And after she had gone, I got picked up to go to a party. It was a friend's 30th, which he was sharing with another friend of his; so they'd hired a venue in Gloucester and invited loads of people. And there were certainly a good few people there. It was a great night, I think, celebrating with him, and catching up with some people I hadn't seen for quite some time. The place was all decorated out with Marvel themed wrapping paper and balloons-and he got given Marvel monopoly as a present. Not from me. I went for a simple option-chocolate. I couldn't think what to get him, so I decided to see if I could get 30 different chocolate bars. You know, what with him being 30 and all. Which is one thing I did do on Friday actually-go and look for them. I did manage it-sort of. I think there was a Wispa and a Wispa Gold, and a Mars and Mars Caramel. But I'm sure he didn't mind that.
And then on Sunday, I relaxed. Which is what I think is a very good weekend.

Alpha Weekend And...

So, last weekend was the Alpha weekend away (if you don't know what that is, you can find out here), and I was helping on the catering team, as I had been during the course. Don't worry, I haven't been doing the cooking.

It all started on the Friday-I had the week off starting then, so I was going down early to help set up, and I had to catch a train. I caught one that left just after 1, and I should have got there just after 3-if everything had gone to plan. However, I had two changes on the route, and two of the trains were late, so I was almost an hour later than I had aimed for. Which at least meant I had plenty of time to read and pray during the journey. I am reading a book currently called 'The Circle Maker' by Mark Batterson and I felt God wanted me to write down and keep a record of the things I wanted to pray about and what the answers are. So I started that on the journey. The first thing I did was write general categories of what I wanted to pray for/about, and prayed a bit about that. And it was pretty much non-stop after that, or at least it seemed that way-when we had cleared away from one meal, it was basically time to get the next one ready. I did get a bit of a rest on the Saturday afternoon, when I should have been praying about some of the things I had been turning over on the train journey. Because I didn't do it then, I didn't get to go to the pub in the evening; God was very firm about that. I'm glad I did it, though, because as well as getting some much needed time, just me and God (that was about the only time that weekend I did), some interesting things came out of that. I'm still turning them over at the moment, so I won't write about them yet. And then, it was all over-quite abruptly, as I had to leave pretty much straight after lunch.
And got back home in plenty of time for the baptisms, so I just had to decide whether I was going to go. I don't think I did decide in the end, I just got there. And I'm so glad I did. The people's stories, as always, were amazing-and amazingly different. But it was what happened after that was truly brilliant. Two of the people getting baptised are in my cluster, and speaking to them afterwards, and hearing how it was for them was just incredible. Partly because it was more personal, and partly because I could actually see the difference in them. Wow. Just wow.

And then, the rest of this week has been a week off. Which was brilliant in itself, but also had some brilliant times in it. I spent the first couple of days resting, pretty much doing nothing, just because I could. I did mean to write a blog post about the weekend, but, as I didn't get it done by then, it's merged with the rest of the week. On Monday, I went to Costa and relaxed there; on Tuesday, I relaxed at home, and also prayed over and around the things I'd been writing in my notebook that I've been praying for and about. It was Alpha in the evening, which was fun, though I was still tired, strangely. Possibly because when you stop, you pretty much completely collapse-or at least, I do. People were talking about the baptisms; or at least one of them. On Wednesday, I went for a very long walk. I did have a destination in mind, but somehow, I got lost, and ended up somewhere I don't think I've been before. I did manage to get back, though, and got where I was intending to go, and learned a bit more about the local area in the meantime. Maybe. I'll see, if I manage not to get lost the next time I go that way. And, after that, it was cluster. I didn't know at the beginning of the week whether I was going to go, as there was a session at church on how to deal with violence, which as a member of street teams, I was invited to. Anyway, I got there-just across the road, pretty much-and had a good evening. Though for some reason, I felt a bit out of sorts all evening; and I found it difficult to concentrate. Looking back, it's difficult to remember much about the evening, which probably means that it was very important. The most important thing I can remember is that it was about not comparing yourself to others; not seeing your behind the scenes stuff in the same light as someone else's highlights-which is what you most notice. 

And then on Thursday, I went down to Faringdon to see a friend I hadn't seen properly for ages. She was at my church before she went home, and I've only seen her briefly since then. I figured since I had the week off, I should try to get down there. Thankfully, it's actually quite straightforward, so I sorted that out, and met up with her; which was brilliant. I miss having her around, cos she's one of the few people I can really relax with, as she seems to not mind my sense of humour. And it was really refreshing to spend the day with her. I mean, I was expecting it to be a good day, but right from the point we saw each other, it was good. It was essentially one very long, random, slightly silly conversation-apart from the serious bits. Which were still interspersed with random silliness. It was good to catch up, to get some sort of idea of what we had each been up to, and at the end of the day, we got to pray with each other. Just what was needed, I think. I look forward to doing it again at some point. Hopefully not too far away.

And Friday, I got to catch up with my mum, which was great. I saw my sis and niece last week, and my mum this week. We went to the art gallery, which reopened after a massive revamp, and I hadn't managed to get along there before. It was really good, apart from having to stand out in the cold for a while when the fire alarm went off. At least we assumed that was what happened, as no-one told us. We saw most of the exhibitions I think. There was a glass sculptor who had most of the space; his exhibition was huge. Some of the pieces were too. Anyway, we managed to spend over 3 hours there, and then we went and got something to eat. Which was nice. All in all, a very nice day, and it was good to see my mum again.

Saturday I kind of relaxed, and then a friend I hadn't seen for a while came round, which was great. We watched 'Pontypool', which is sort of a zombie film; and then, because he felt he needed to relax a bit, we watched 'Music and Lyrics' (my favourite film), because it's probably the lightest film I own. And it has a great 80s type music video. As well as Drew Barrymore. Sunday I was kind of hoping to go up and see a friend in Worcester area, but that didn't work out, so he came down to see me instead. It was great to catch up with him as well. I have to say that overall, it was a really good week off, and very relaxing-just what I needed, I think.

Thoughts For The Day!

Here's a few thoughts I want to remember. I think they are worth remembering, and I think God wants me to bear them in mind - always. I thought you might like to hear them...

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was that you will regret more the things you didn't do than the ones you did; and, overall, I think that's true. Certainly the more things I do and don't do, the more this seems to be the case. Now, obviously, this doesn't mean that everything I do works out well; sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't, and some things don't work out at all. But missed opportunities are one of the most frustrating and annoying things you can ever have. Going through life, you will not escape from wishing certain things could have been otherwise; thinking 'if only' is bad enough, but thinking 'what if' when you know that something was in your hands to change, and you didn't take it is much worse. It's only slightly a problem with things like going to a party or going out with friends when you hear later that they had a great time; but it's a lot more so when it's something like a job, or a mission trip, or moving house. And, more to the point, the more you say 'yes' makes it easier to say 'yes' next time. Saying 'yes' to small things also makes it easier to say 'yes' to bigger things; and, ultimately, makes all decisions seem easier to make. Saying 'yes' more doesn't mean that you stop saying 'no', but it might make it more likely to be a choice rather than a reaction.

The flipside of this, in a way, is something God has said to me time and time again in different circumstances; and that is that doing something is better than doing nothing. This is applicable to all sorts of situations, and in different ways.  It could be that you are surrounded by a set of difficult circumstances, which aren't getting any better on their own. It could be that you don't know how to do something or quite what to do, so you may procrastinate (that's a good word). It could be that you are waiting for something to happen, you just aren't sure what. Sometimes it is just that you can't decide what to do, that doing something is better...

Which leads me on to another thing that God has been particularly saying to me recently. About various things. That in certain circumstances (almost certainly a lot more often than I would like), He really doesn't mind what we/I choose. Just that we/I choose. Choosing something rather than just reacting, or, even worse, just doing nothing and being unhappy about something while vaguely hoping that things will change is better. Just because choosing gets you involved, it wakes you up, as it were. And, even if it turns out to be a bad decision, you're still thinking-and can change things. Choosing is one of the best decisions you can make and actions you can take. Choosing to choose is always going to be good (for you).

And, lastly, remember that if a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing. This seems obvious, so obvious, there's nothing to say; but, following on from the previous comment, it's worth remembering. People sometimes can be inclined to perfectionism, thinking that if a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing well; and this can be an excuse not to do it, because you can't do it well enough. And that may well be the case-sometimes. But it shouldn't become a way of thinking. If a thing's worth doing, it may well be worth doing badly if that's the best that can be done, if making an attempt at doing it is better than leaving it undone. But, whatever is the case in this regard, the point is that once you have made your choice and decided that something is worth doing, then you should stick to it. Don't let fear, or difficulty, or, well, anything put you off doing it. If you have to postpone it to better plan, then do so; but don't let it just drift away once you have decided.

And, well, this is what I have been thinking about recently. Somethings I need to bear in mind more, and maybe, just maybe, someone else may benefit as well.

On Being Alone

Now, some observant people may be a bit puzzled by the title, as I did say I was busy-and you can guess that that has continued, judging by the number of posts I've been putting up (i.e. not many, cos I've been busy), so what's it all about, then?

Well, just the fact that, at the moment, my housemate isn't around much at home. He got ill recently, and decided to go back to his parents for a bit, which can't be much fun for him. I still see him, cos he pops in every now and then to get stuff, but mostly, he's not here. Which means I have the house to myself-when I'm in, anyway. Which isn't that much, but I've noticed a couple of things recently.

The first is that the house is sporadically less tidy. Because things stay where I put them. And that has a good side and a bad side. The good side is that things stay where I put them, and the bad side is that things stay where I put them. Because I know things are going to stay I know I'm not going to have any difficulty finding them, so I don't worry about making sure things get put in boxes and things, which makes it quicker to get them when I want them next. But this means that certain places are very untidy. Only certain places, because I don't just drop stuff anywhere; so, sporadically less tidy.

And the other thing I've noticed is that I've been praying more. I've had more time to myself, so I've had plenty of times recently where I've just sat and prayed, sometimes with music sometimes not. I'm not sure yet what the difference is, because I haven't been praying about anything specific; I've just been spending time with God and letting Him set the agenda. mostly, there doesn't seem to have been an agenda as such, except just to relax. Which I've been doing. Which has been great in itself, but hasn't exactly pointed to anything specific. It seems that God is preparing me for something, but I'm not really sure of anything more than that at the moment. I do have some idea, but not enough to describe-it's more like hints and clues at the moment. But I am beginning to see something of what the future may hold. And some of what I became aware of during the week of prayer is definitely relevant. It's kind of like drawing a picture line by line, and as it goes on, it starts to look like one thing and then another until it's finished.
                                                      
                                                              
The other thing I've noticed recently is that I've been reading the Bible a lot more. Normally I don't read much of it on an ongoing basis (though I have read all of it), but recently I have been reading it quite a bit. Mostly during the times of prayer, but not always. It started off with just the occasional bit, but I noticed earlier that I had got through the whole of Luke's gospel this week, and I'm now a quarter of the way through John. This wasn't planned, except in as much as I read through the Bible and then reread it; I just did it.

So, that's what's been going on around here the last couple of weeks or so. Incidentally, for those concerned with how my housemate is, I saw him earlier today. He seemed quite happy, and was planning to go and shoot some trees in Westonbirt Arboretum. With a camera, he wanted to make clear. So, I think he's fairly well again, and will no doubt be back soon. Probably anyway.

And Now...

I've been pretty busy so far this month, being out more evenings than I've been in. Which is good; BUT has a couple of effects. One is that I haven't finished many books this month, and it doesn't look like that's going to change. And the other, more serious, from the point of view of doing this blog, is that I don't have as much time to do posts-and when I do, there's a lot more that I can say. Which would mean more posts, if I actually got enough time to do something about it. My guess is that that won't last forever, but to keep up with a decent number of posts, I think I'm going to cheat a bit by having more than one post in development at the same time. I'll let you know how that works out.


Two Mondays I have missed the film nights at the Wellers' now, and I'm going to miss it again this week. At least this week it's one I'm sure I can get to see at some point-'Sideways' is another friend's favourite, and I'm sure I can persuade him to watch it again at some point. Next week I think it's 'Black Swan', which I'd actually quite like to see. I shall make the effort to do so.

Tuesdays have been busy because of ALPHA,  which has started again, and I'm helping with the catering again. Well, the washing up, anyway-they do have a fully qualified chef on staff. Which is fun, but it does mean I'm out one more evening a week-though I have decided I probably won't do every week, just to make sure I get some time to myself now and then. But I should be able to get on the weekend away-I've booked the time off work, just need for it to be approved now. And this Tuesday, I did something a bit different, as the Literature Festival was on-so I phoned my mum to see if she wanted to come in and we could wander around with me. She was free, so we had an enjoyable day going around. Though to be honest, we probably spent almost as much time in cafes as in the festival. But it was a good time to catch up with each other.

Wednesdays are a bit different now I have changed cluster, at the very least because this cluster meets every week. As well as knowing that I don't have to think about if cluster is on-just where it is- it's actually quite refreshing being in a new cluster, but also, because I know most of the people in it, it feels comfortable straight away. I can't really explain it any better than that, but I really like it; and I look forward to growing with it over the next few months. I don't want to look too far ahead, because I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm really not good at predicting the future. I would never have guessed that I would change cluster, nor that I would be enjoying it so much, and that's a relatively minor change, really. Bearing that in mind, it could be quite exciting to think about what other things God may have for me in the future that I have no idea of- and probably wouldn't believe if I was told in advance.

My Thursdays are the most varied of all over the last few weeks. Two weeks ago, I was at Hungry for God, lying on the floor, as I couldn't really move. But I was spending time with God. Not sure why He wanted me to be there to get me to spend time with Him, but He did. I can remember it was very relaxing. And last week, I saw a film. That was a bit unexpected-I have a friend who has recently started a job in the Uni of Gloucestershire, and was putting on a film night. I asked if I could go along, and she was quite happy for me to join them. So I watched 'The Silver Linings Playbook' which I'd never heard of, but thoroughly recommend. It's a great film. And I got to spend some time with her, which was good; I don't really see her often enough, I think. And this week, I was back out with Street Teams. We hadn't gone out for a few weeks, as our leader was away; so, it was good to get back out there. And, tonight, we had two new people join us for the first time-Bob and Hattie (one of our new interns). And then I got home to finish writing this.

Fridays are actually my quietest evenings, I generally don't end up doing much (so why not write this then-well, I've spent long enough on it already). Quite often Saturdays are the same, but the last two have been full. On the 5th was an event called 'A Night At The Musicals', which was to raise money for the Motor Neurone Disease Association. Some of the performers in Jacob's Well theatre company got together to put on an evening of song and dance pieces from some of their previous shows-with some preview teasers of the forthcoming one 'The Sound of Music'-which I'm definitely looking forward to. And then this week was Ed's birthday. So he had a party in a local pub, which he'd hired. It was a brilliant occasion, with loads of people there-the place was packed.

And that pretty much sums up my last two weeks, with all sorts of interesting things happening, keeping me out of the house most evenings. Which is great. Always good to be doing things and seeing people. 

Funny, Serious

Well, this week so far has been a bit different. In some ways, a lot busier, for a start. And I've definitely spent more time with people, some of which was unexpected. Very much so, in fact.

Monday I finally got around to going to see a film at a friend's house. He has set up a weekly film night that he invites people to, which started with the beginning of term. This was the first one I got to, due to general tiredness and lack of organisation; and I'm very glad I did. The film this week was 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'; which it probably won't be a surprise to know that I've never seen. And for those of you who have still not seen it, I very much recommend it. It's a really good, light hearted film which stars Mickey Rooney as a Chinese man (yes, really). A good time was had by all; and it was good to catch up with them again. I don't think I'll be able to make it next week, but next week it's 'Jaws', and I'm not too bothered by missing that.

So, the next day was my day off. And I'd offered to help set up for the ALPHA launch event, which was an evening with Paul Kerensa, a comedian. Not only is he a scriptwriter for the BBC (working with Miranda and Not Going Out), he also does stand-up. Oh, and he's a Christian. So he's quite happy to work with churches on occasion. The idea was that he would do a normal length set, and then, after a break be interviewed, and a short set to conclude. So this was pretty easy to set up, as we weren't serving food, just drinks. Julie had some pretty detailed ideas of what was going to happen, and what was going where; and, as I had reflected before, I was impressed by how professional it all was. 
I then went back home, as I had a couple of things to do; and then went out again just after 6. I felt it was right to pop along to the Feathered Fish first and grab something to eat, and then go in. So I went along there for a bit and chatted to Pat and Connie-and Amy, the old barmaid, popped in. She's just got a new job as a care assistant, which is great, as it's what she has been wanting to do for ages. Anyway, I wandered over to the church just in time for the beginning of the show really. I'd left the house in plenty of time, but I'd hung around chatting to people-I thought it was important. And so Paul Kerensa did his thing, which was very funny. I'd seen him before, so I knew he was good, and he didn't disappoint. And then he was interviewed, which was very interesting. He talked a bit about how being a Christian affects his life, and also what it's like being in comedy and a scriptwriter and a Christian. He mentioned that one of the biggest problems he comes up against is blasphemy in scripts-and it's never going to be a good idea to challenge it directly, so he has to come up with a better line. And then it was all over, and I helped clear up and chatted to a couple of our new interns. And then it was really all over.

And, the day after that, I joined in with my housemate's cluster group, which was meeting in our house. He said I was welcome to join them, and I didn't have anything on that evening, so I thought 'why not?', and did just that. It was a great evening, and they made me feel really welcome. I knew most of them anyway, so it wasn't that difficult to feel at home there-particularly since I was at home. After pretty much everyone had arrived, and drinks had been served, we started with Steve playing some worship songs on the piano, and then a few more people arrived. Then Ed told us a bit of his story, how he came closer to God, and then the main part of the evening happened. We talked about all sorts of things, including building community; and then the evening finished with something no-one expected at the beginning, I think. One of the bravest young women I have had ever the privilege to start to get to know told us something of her story of what has happened in her life-a story that brought tears to my eyes. I won't say anything more at the moment, except to say she is precious. If she reads this, she'll know who she is, and that's all that matters.

This was almost two weeks ago, and I have been unable to finish this until now, for various reasons. I have been a little busy, but the most important thing to say, I think, is that I have now changed cluster to join that group. Partly, at least, because I felt so welcome there. Here's to the future.

The Power Of Love

Well, after waking up in the evening (see last post), I went to church. I think the fact that I was still tired was probably important, given what happened later. The service was pretty normal, except Hellie was speaking, which is pretty rare-she's not actually around much at the moment. She spoke on prayer, and on the importance of not only keeping on, but pushing in with prayer, about actually caring about whatever you are praying about. It was a great talk, and I recommend it (you can listen here if you want).
I went up for prayer afterwards, because I felt that I didn't really care. Note, not that I cared quite a bit, but wanted to care more; but that I cared hardly at all. Now, a week later, I think that wasn't exactly inaccurate, but it wasn't as bad as (ironically) I felt at the time-I think it was partly the tiredness that made me feel like that so much. But, I also feel that it was something God wanted me to bring to him at that time. Anyway, I got prayer, and the guy who prayed for me said 2 things (that I remember). One was that God had oceans more love to pour over me; and the other was that He wanted me to focus on resting and receiving His love when I prayed. And as we had a week of prayer coming up this week, I felt that the timing couldn't have been better (funny that). And what God said to me (that I remember) was that He loves my sense of humour- not something I could ever imagine He would say, so I'm pretty sure it was Him.

So, Monday, the start of the week was my day off. Not usual, but a very good way to start a week of resting in prayer. After breakfast, I decided to pray and just wait and listen to God; which is a great way to start any day you can. I did feel very relaxed by the time I went to town to do a few things, like go to the library. I was considering visiting my sister, but felt that wasn't the best thing to do then-and on the way home, someone asked me for money for the bus, and I gave him my weekly bus ticket instead. When I came home, just before 7, I thought about going to the prayer meeting, but didn't make it out of the house. Instead, I prayed at home again. This time, God said that He loved my mind. Not that I was intelligent, so much as the way I look at things was something He likes. And the other thing I remember was reading a bit from a novel that brought tears to my eyes-making it clear that I can and do care.

Tuesday was work as normal, apart from it not being normal for me to work on a Tuesday. Nothing out of the ordinary there, and this time, I did manage to get to the evening prayer meeting. Which was completely different to what I expected, in a way. I was kind of expecting/hoping that it would be more or less us individually meeting with God; but it was much more directed than that. We split into small groups, and I got together with my small group leader to pray. We were praying first about people we could speak to about God, and the people on my mind (strangely?) were some of the bar staff from the pub next door, most of whom are pretty new. I've been getting to know a couple of them a bit recently, and I was praying into that, and that people from church generally build up relationships with them. We prayed about some other things; but that is the thing that has stayed with me. When I got home, I read a bit of the Bible, and I read the bit where Jesus asks his disciples who they think He is; and Peter says He is the Son of God. At that point, He reminded me that He has said before that I am His son; He loves me because I am His son, and I am His son because He loves me.

Well, Wednesday was a bit different again. Working in Gloucester again, but actually fairly relaxed. Not starting so early and finishing a bit earlier too. And I managed to get to the meeting again, choosing to go there instead of my small group. This evening was completely different, not least because there were far more people there-it was pretty much packed.I guess most of the clusters/small groups were there; or at least the ones that met on Wednesdays. It was also quite different in content and feeling, at least for me. It was all about praising and spending time focusing on God. At the end, I chatted to quite a few people; and God pointed out very quietly that I do care about people and relationships, and that is another thing He loves about me. One of the people I spoke to asked me what I thought of her latest blog post, which I really quite like. I think it is beautiful and poetic in nature, and quite thought provoking-read it here. Go on, do it.

On Thursday, I didn't go to the prayer meeting. I was feeling tired after working in Gloucester again, and when God asked me what I really wanted to do, I figured I actually wanted to stay at home and relax. Sometimes, I think, He doesn't actually mind so much what we do, as long as we actually make a decision, and don't just drift. So I relaxed at home- I did write my last post, but apart from that, I just relaxed and prayed. The main thing He said then was to remind me that there are things I care about, as well as people; and that is just as important.

Friday, I was back in Cheltenham, working a normal shift. Which was nice. Almost like having a lie-in. It was quite quiet during the day as well, which isn't as good. But, anyway, what it meant was that when I got to the prayer meeting in the evening, I was really awake and up for it. It was a really good time, although I can't actually remember most of it, or tell you what went on for most people, as I was on the floor, relaxing with God. I can't say I had much choice in the matter (well, alright, none); but it was definitely a great way to end the week of prayer. While I was laying there, Tim spoke about Ezekiel 47 and I meditated on that for a while. I remember reading that what happens there is totally not natural-a stream/river with only one source cannot grow any deeper. So whatever is happening here is God doing something only He can do. And how He is doing it, I have no idea. Then I thought about what that means for any attributes of God. Whatever is represented by this-God's presence, His power, His love- He is making it clear that it cannot be measured; the more of it you see, the more there is to see. In a way, a tiny bit like looking this. Just a tiny bit. So, focus on this picture for a bit, and just think-whatever you think you know of God, He is much, much, more than that.

 The weekend was a little different, because the week of prayer had finished. Saturday was pretty quiet at work, which was incredibly frustrating; and what I became aware of was that God was there, always. When things are good, He is there; when things are great, He is there, and when things aren't so good, He is still there. Whatever happens, whenever, and wherever, He is there. Sunday was different again, because it was a day off, and very relaxing overall; but actually felt very productive. For one thing, I didn't go to church in the morning, but prayed at home; and was praying about Trinity Arts, which was very encouraging. And another thing, I wrote a poem. Which was also encouraging, as I haven't been writing that many for the last couple of years. I've wanted to, I just haven't managed it. And then I went to church in the evening, which was quite something; it was pretty crowded as there was a lot of celebrating going on. The theme of the music seemed to be 'love'-pretty much all the songs were about love or grace; so, you know, it was kind of like it was planned just for me. That's sort of how I felt, anyway. I saw some friends I hadn't seen for weeks, and met some new people; and God spoke through me to some of them. All in all, a great evening for me; I loved it. Exactly what He had in mind, I imagine.

Looking back over the week, I think that where I was at the beginning of the week was exactly where God wanted me to be; and where I was at the end of the week was a lot closer to where He wants me to be. I also think that I was wrong in thinking that I don't care enough; it's just that I care differently from some people. A lot of people I know seem to be passionate about something; but what I hadn't noticed so much is that they are only passionate about one or two things. Which makes sense; because it would be impossible to cope if you tried to be passionate about everything. But that doesn't mean they don't care about other things; and I do care about things. 
One of the things I care about is human trafficking being ended. Which is why I have joined my local Act for Justice group; which is a local group supporting the work of the charity Hope for Justice.

TIRED!!!!!!

Well, after that great weekend, I had a rather surprising week following it. I went into work on Monday, expecting it to be a pretty normal week (apart from having an extra day off on Friday), only to be asked if I could work in the Gloucester branch the next day (my normal day off) to cover for someone being off ill. I didn't have anything planned, so I was fine with that, so it would be working the next couple of days, and having Thursday and Friday off-one of them would have been taking some flexi-time hours. Fine.

I got asked to a do a full day on the Tuesday, which is unusual, and started with a meeting. We have meetings every month or so in Gloucester, but I don't have to go to them, as I'm not usually working when they're on. In fact, this was the first one I'd ever been to. And, actually, it was quite interesting. Probably because it was mainly to give information, so I got to find out all sorts of stuff about departments I don't often have anything to do with, and met a couple of new people. New to me, I mean. I guess it would have been a bit different if there was more decision making going on, as I probably would have been at a bit of a loss, as it would have felt like I had come in part way through the discussion. There was one decision made, but it was introduced and finished in about 5 mins. Also, we are thinking about having a more structured pricing system, though there are issues with that that have already made themselves known.
Anyway, I started my day in the shop, which was fairly busy, and as the day progressed, it became clear that I might be needed there for longer than just the day. By the end of the day, it had been decided to pay me for all my flexi, (which adds up to about a week's worth-nice) and that I would be in full days for the rest of the week. Except Friday, when I was busy. And I can say that at the end of that, I was very tired!

All the more so, because I didn't quite relax on my day off. I did a bit, managing a bit of a lie-in, but a friend of mine was moving house to literally the next road from me, and I'd said I might be able to help. I didn't actually do that much in the end, as I didn't manage to leave my house until about 12, but I did help for a couple of hours. I didn't feel like I really did that much, but at least it was something; and I've heard that she is happily settled in now-which I figure means another housewarming party coming up sometime.
And the reason why I couldn't help for longer was that I had sorted out meeting up with a friend who I hadn't seen properly for ages. I'd seen him in passing quite often, but I honestly can't remember the last time we actually got together and chatted. We met up in a pub in Gloucester, and were there for...a while. A few hours, definitely, until he had to go and meet his wife and parents-in-law. Which he may or may not have been looking forward to. I was tempted by a pint of Black Rat, but I figured it was not the sort of drink to have in the afternoon, so I stuck to Stowford-and hot chocolate. It seemed that our conversation was random enough anyway-and the afternoon was definitely a good time.

I caught up a bit on Sunday afternoon. I wasn't feeling great, so I decided to lay down for a bit-and woke up just before 6. At least then, I was feeling better. So, it was pretty clear that I was tired! But I did have a fairly good time, anyway, during the week. I had some good conversations with friends, mostly online; but I did happen to meet one on the bus each morning, which was pretty great.

Welcome Weekend

And last weekend was a very welcome one, with some very good things happening. I liked it a lot.

On Saturday, I was invited round a friend's house to eat. Well, I was actually invited a while ago. He's from Nigeria, and he's decided that he has got out of the habit of cooking Nigerian style, so he decided to invite a few friends round to try his cooking on us. Which was lovely. Both to be invited, and the actual food. There were just a few of us-him, me, my housemate, and another friend; but then he lives in a flat, so he probably couldn't fit many more in there anyway. We had a simple meal involving a LOT of chilli peppers; more than I would normally put in a meal, but it was tasty. I hope Nigerian cuisine becomes a semi-regular invitation. We also watched a film-we tried to watch 'Rango', but gave up on that, so we watched 'The Italian Job' instead. That's definitely worth watching. Overall, a good time was had by all, and I hope this happens again. And again.

And then Sunday was very relaxing, as I didn't have to do anything until the evening. I mean there were all sorts of things I could have done, but I didn't have to do any of them. I vaguely recall reading at some point in the afternoon (I don't recall the morning at all-probably because I was alseep), and I think I went online a bit; but in general, I wasn't actually doing anything much at all. And then in the evening, I went to Seek His Face again-and I even got there a bit late, even though it's later than my church service starts. So I got there while it was going on, and just joined in. I 'just happened' to see some friends from Stroud, and stood/sat near them, which was nice-and even better, when at one point, we were asked to pray for the people next to us, and my friend Sarah came and prayed for me. And then, a bit later, a lady got up and told us about God healing her from something very painful-clearly she wasn't in any pain while she was standing there. And then He told me to go up and tell people about what happened Thursday. Which was fairly easy, after actually doing it. I hope and pray that encourages a few people to listen to God and speak out when He says so-I'll mention it if anyone tells me of anything they've done recently.

So, all in all, a very good weekend. I liked it a lot.

Out Of August, Into Autumn

Well, after the weekend, we had a bank holiday, and I spent most of that with friends. I went out for lunch with a few, and then went to buy a map with one of them. I then got to buy a book in Waterstones, which came as a bit of a surprise to me. I hadn't had that in mind, but clearly God had other ideas. On the Tuesday, I got a bit of a surprising text, telling me we were back on street teams that week, which was a week earlier than I was expecting. I don't remember anything much about the Wednesday, but on the Thursday, I decided I should go out with street teams; which turned out to be a really good idea. It appeared that they were unsure if they would be able to get people together to go out until October; but it turned out that the next two weeks were fine if they could get someone to collect the food from Soho. So I offered to do that.
And on the Friday, I was invited to a friend's housewarming party.Well, I'd actually been invited a couple of weeks before, but had forgotten when it was-I thought it was the Saturday. Thankfully, my housemate reminded me in time, and I wandered along. And that was a brilliant occasion. There were loads of people I knew there, not just Becky and Glen, who had invited me. People I hadn't seen for ages, and people I don't spend much time with. I even met a couple of new people, which is always good. there was plenty of laughter, conversation, and fun-and a general good time was had by all. And the thought of arranging to see some films with Dapo, at some point. That was my experience of it, anyway. May there be many more like that, as many as possible. And on the actual Saturday, it was back to work as usual, except, slightly unusually, Jess was back from maternity leave-sort of. Apparently, it is a legal requirement to offer something called 'keeping in touch days' so the new mum can continue to work a few days during the year. It was nice to have her back, anyway.

And then, the Sunday was the first of September, so technically also the first day of autumn. I had a very relaxing Sunday-a friend came round for a bit in the afternoon, and then I went to church in the evening. And again, a good time was had by all-that being my experience, anyway. The Monday was also relaxing, as I had that day off, which is unusual; but I had been asked to work my normal day off in the Gloucester shop. Which was fine, as a change is always interesting, and I did get a day off, being two days in a row. And Wednesday was a bit up in the air. I had been trying to sort out going round a friend's house with a couple of friends to watch a film, but that didn't happen, so I felt it was right to go to my cluster social after all. Which, again, was fun-this spending time with people appears to be quite good. I think I like it. And Thursday was memorable for a totally unexpected reason.
I was on the bus going home from working in Gloucester quite happily reading (the book I'd bought Bank Holiday Monday actually), when a girl got on the bus and sat beside me. Nothing unusual there, except for the fact that God said 'tell her she's beautiful'. You know, NOT the sort of thing you want to hear on a perfectly ordinary bus journey. Well, I sat there, at first trying to ignore it, and then arguing with God, trying to persuade Him that it really wasn't a good idea for me to do so; and then He said, 'also, tell her don't worry'. I had picked up that she was getting off the bus in Cheltenham, same as me; so I knew I had plenty of time, so I carried on trying to avoid it. Eventually, it got to a point where I said 'do I really have to?'; and He answered ' no, but if you don't, it's not you who'll miss out'. And I couldn't really argue with that; I just had to figure out how to do it. Well, as we were geting into town, she turned to me to ask me something about where the bus would stop, and I took the opportunity, and said 'you may think this is a bit weird, but...' I explained that I'm a Christian and God sometimes speaks to me, and He'd said 'don't worry' (that seemed the easier one to say). She smiled and thanked me, in quite a matter of fact way, so I got enough courage to say what He had said first-at which point, she smiled even more, if that were possible, and thanked me again. And said that she does often worry about all sorts of things. We chatted for a few minutes, and then the bus pulled up, so she got off the bus still smiling, and thanked me again. And that was that. To be honest, I was a bit exhausted, so I sat there for a few minutes before I pulled myself together and got off the bus-off to get the food for street teams.

So, I went out with street teams a bit later, which was still a bit quiet, and then later went to Hungry for God (a weekly prayer meeting). We got together to pray a one point about where we wanted the Kingdom of God to particularly break in, and I felt that one important thing was this blog. So we prayed about that.

A Great Greenbelt Weekend

So, at the last Seek His Face (next one coming up soon), the band were talking about going to Rivercamp, which is held over the August bank holiday-the same weekend as Greenbelt. So you might think that would be an easy decision for me, as anyone who knows me well knows I don't really like Greenbelt. (This isn't anything to do with Greenbelt itself, really, it's just that it feels too big for me to be really comfortable.) But Rivercamp, although not that far away, is just far enough that I would need a lift to be able to get there. However, I did feel that maybe, just maybe, I should make the effort to do so.

That's sort of by way of being a prologue. That thought, or something similar, continued to buzz round my head for the rest of the week. The main thing that was happening that week was a friend coming to stay the night before he went off to Greenbelt himself. Which was unfortunately a bit short -just one night- but it was great, as he doesn't live locally, and he'd just come back from travelling round New Zealand, so it was going to be good to catch up with him. So we sorted that out with my housemate, and figured out when he was going to get into Cheltenham, and I met him off the coach; ready for an evening's entertainment. We needed to get something to eat, as he'd just been travelling for about 5 hours (and there was no point in me getting food separately), so we went to a pub-where we ate, and then happily stayed for the next couple of hours.
We had a pint with our meals, and then decided to experiment a bit with the cocktail menu. By avoiding the pitchers, we had the possibility of trying quite a few more, including ones we hadn't tried before. Or for a while-like the red Aftershock, which used to be cinnamon and is now citrus. We bought a couple of rounds each, which I struggled with, not because I didn't have the money, but because my natural inclination is not to spend it -even on myself. But a while back, God spoke to me about being generous as a general way of living; and, though I'm still not good at it, I knew that I want to be. So I made the effort. And then we went home, where he met my housemate. And they immediately got into a long conversation. Which was good. And after that, we prayed. One of the things we prayed about was the buzzing thought that I should maybe go to Rivercamp. Or Greenbelt. Or something.

And so, the next day, off to work I went. Early in the morning for a change. And I met up with a friend after work. His last day home before going back to the army. And the Saturday was the same, as far as getting up early went. But I went out in the evening that time. I met up with a friend after work, and when I met her, I saw another friend who was only around for the day, purely by coincidence (maybe). And we ended up going to the cinema and seeing 'Kick-Ass 2'. Which was great-but quite different from the book. Which is hardly surprising, as I don't think they'd have been able to get a certificate if they'd filmed the book exactly. Sunday I ended up relaxing most of the day. Another friend phoned at some point and asked if I wanted to go to Greenbelt with him, but quite frankly, I was just too tired. I ended up going to church, which turned out to be fantastic. Apart from church itself being great, there were some friends of mine I hadn't seen for months-who also have been away recently. So, that was amazing. We caught up a bit, and chatted about going to Cwmbran, where they have been quite a few times recently. They said they'd be willing to give me a lift at some point when they go, so I look forward to that.

So, I ended up not doing anything out of the ordinary particularly that weekend, but I do think that thought was from God. Because of that, I thought about going to church or going somewhere else. It wasn't exactly as usual, as I hadn't actually been to my church for 3 or 4 weeks. The things that stuck in my mind about it are about being intentional, that often it doesn't matter what you do so much as actually choosing something. And also that relationships are important. Both of which I kind of knew/know, but that whole process really brought it home to me.

Seek His Face!

Ok, I'm a bit behind with these posts, since this was a couple of weeks ago-the weekend following the last post, in fact. It was the 'anniversary' Seek His Face event, as it was about a year since the first one of them was put on. And it was also the unofficial launch of  Andi Foster's album-there will be an 'official' launch at some point this month somewhere.   

                                                       
Anyway, I felt I should go along, that God wanted me there, though I didn't really know why. I didn't really know whether I actually wanted to be there, but I felt I should be, so I was. I was actually quite interested to see (hear?) the rest of Andi's music, as up to that point, I'd only heard the songs from the E.P.

Once I got there, I tried to relax and pay attention to God, but I found it difficult. However, after a bit, I kind of got the impression that relaxing and doing are not necessarily things that go together. So, as much as possible, I tried to let go. And that worked much better. Although, it does mean I can't really say what the result of that was, as I wasn't really in a state of mind where I was able to process much. However, one thing I am sure of, is that God was there, with me-and He seemed to be happy with that. I went up at the end to be prayed for, and though I'm not sure whether anyone did pray with me (I think someone did), I know that God touched me. In a way, I kind of think that this follows on from what happened at New Wine in a way. It seems that, at the moment, God isn't telling me to do anything in particular, but just to rest and wait. For now, anyway.

And, at the end, I got to chat to Andi, and he gave me a copy of the album (my pre-ordered copy-sort of); which is excellent, by the way. I strongly recommend you get it-you can find it here. Either a C.D. or a download. Oh, and he also said he wanted to meet up with me, as he wants me to get more involved in certain things-I'll say more about that when I know about it.

An Unexpected Birthday (And Another One)

And so I went back to work the day after coming back from New Wine, to have a surprise in the afternoon. My mum came into work with her brother, my uncle, who we hadn't seen for 15 years. And still I recognised him. To be fair, he hadn't changed all that much-he had no hair (well, a shaved head), and a white beard; but, other than that, he was pretty much the same as I remembered him.

So, we had a brief chat, and I discovered that it was his birthday a couple of days later; the day before my niece-which is why he'd come down for the week. Anyway, I had the next day off, as usual, so I worked out meeting up with them in Gloucester. I met them in a Costa, which was nice. Those are always nice places to be, and as well as that, I got some points added to my Costa card; which was also nice. We chatted about what they had got up to earlier-they went to the docks, and he went round one of the museums, as he's interested in military history. That was something new I learned. And then we went around town, to go shopping to buy Phoebe's birthday presents (I already had her card). I did try to get something for him as well, but that turned out to be impossible, as he pretty much has everything he wants-but I did get him a badge which proclaimed that it was his birthday. I didn't manage to find anything for her, even though I stayed in town for a while after they went home.

Next day, I was back at work; but, as I had been encouraged to use up my flexi time, I had no problem in getting the Thursday off as well. And so, I went to see my niece on her birthday. My mum had suggested getting clay, so I went to The Entertainer, and bought a bunch of various art things-and a couple of Little Miss books. I managed to get to where she was, somewhere I'd never been before. My sister had put together a 'treasure hunt' starting at her house, and going to another relative, who lived round the corner. I got there VERY late, officially the party had finished, but there were still quite a few people there. and still plenty of noise and chaos was made by the few partygoers who were still there. They even got together and put on a play that they came up with themselves. I'm really not sure what it was about, but it may have been something to do with Monster High. I think. We then went back to my sister's house, where the girls then watched the (a?) Monster High film. Which actually looked quite good. But I couldn't stay too long, as it takes ages to get home from there. But now I know I can get there easily enough, even if it does take so long.

First Impressions - And The Rest

Well, after all the time it took to get sorted to get to New Wine, it seemed to come upon me very quickly. I kind of thought I would have loads of time to get ready, and then Sunday was upon me. At least I knew what it was like, and what I needed to take-and I wasn't taking a tent, which would be all ready for me when I got there. So we left Cheltenham shortly before 6, and got into Somerset just after 7-pretty good time, all told. probably because there was no other traffic most of the way at that time.

We got onto the site after the main meeting had started, but as we wanted to unpack, we didn't intend to go-so we had a fair bit of time to relax. The tent I was staying in was already up, so it didn't take me long, and I knew my way around the site, so I got to go into the meeting after all. And then after it, I popped along to the marketplace to say hello to my work colleagues (I was working in the art gallery) and find out when I was supposed to be in.
I was in at 10 a.m. the next day, though I didn't have to be. However, I wanted to have the evening off. It was a bit different from last year, when there were only 3 of us. Now there were 6, as there was supposed to have been last year, that meant we got time off. Which came as something of a shock to the system. And the way things worked out, it actually turned out that I had most of Tuesday off, as well-I was just on in the evening. So, in essence, I basically had 24 hours off. Which worked out really well for me. On the Monday evening, after the evening meeting, there was a quiz night, which was what I wanted to go to. I got in a team with a couple of friends and their friends, and a good time was had by all. We didn't win, but we did pretty well-and it was great fun. On Tuesday, God wanted me to fast during the day, which meant I didn't need to get to breakfast, so I had a leisurely shower, and got into the morning meeting a bit late. During which God told me that He wanted me to rest. Which I thought meant just that day, but actually turned out to be the theme for the whole week. So I didn't try to get to any seminars. I went off by myself and read some of  'The Prodigal God' for a bit-which naturally led into prayer and worship. In the afternoon, I went and spent some time with friends on the campsite, just chilling and relaxing. I felt like I got to know them a bit better, and really enjoyed it. A very good day, all in all.
The next day was the actual day off, and a whole bunch of us went into Castle Cary for a pub lunch, and then the girls went off shopping. The rest of us got back, and more chilling and chatting was the order of the day. Which more or less continued for the rest of the week. Most of my memorable moments were chatting with friends, including a good few gatherings in various people's tents after hours-and an idea for a couple I know to take on putting on my birthday celebration next year. Well, ours. We have one other friend whose birthday is the day before mine, so it looks as if it could well be a large joint celebration. Which I'm fine with, as long as I don't have to do most of the organisation.

Something God has been nudging me continually for some time now, is the importance of relationships; and, for me, that's what New Wine was really all about this time. I loved it all.

Turn Off The Dark

Turn Off The Dark

When you are surrounded by Darkness,

Covered, smothered by the Dark,

It overwhelms-

You can be deafened by Silence,

Crushed by the feel of Nothing;

All you want is for it to go away,

Or to go away yourself.

You cry out for it to go, to fade, to disappear;

But it does not:

 You cannot turn off the Dark.

Darkness is not a Thing,

It has no presence, no substance,

It is (merely) the Absence of a thing.

In the same way, silence is where Sound is not;

Nothing is no Things,

As there is 

blankness in the spaces between the letters and words.

You cannot turn the blankness off,

But you can put something in it.

It does not matter much how much

You do so,

But when you do, it is that that is seen

And remembered.

And, in the same way, that is how to defeat the Dark;

You can never turn it off,

But you can fill it with light.

Even one match, one candle is enough to fight the darkness;

And a flame can spread like wildfire.

An (Almost) Answered Prayer

source www.fireworksdisplayteam.co.uk

When I sat down to pray all those days ago, God asked me a question about an issue I had put down. He asked me what I wanted to happen. I had put it down, so my reply was that I was willing to leave it in His hands, and I did.

That issue was about whether I would be going to New Wine or not. I went last year on the gallery team and loved it. I said at the time that I would be going back this year, but because the gallery isn't on every year, no-one knew at that point whether it would be on. And I forgot about it. And then, a few weeks back, lots of people asked me if I was going to New Wine, and I remembered. I wasn't sure if that was what God wanted me to do-He wasn't saying-but I figured there couldn't be any harm in asking.

And so I emailed the office about it. And at that point, I realised later, people stopped asking me if I was going. Which I thought might be some sort of sign, but I wasn't bothered either way. That was kind of what the point God wanted me to get to, with this and well, everything. Like I said in the last post, getting His peace which is beyond all understanding isn't relying on understanding.

And I didn't understand. I went through the entire application process, both to New Wine and to be on a team smoothly. I got the time off work no problem-the confirmation of that came through in a couple of days where it can take weeks. One friend offered to share his tent when I mentioned I might have to buy another one, as mine is basically falling apart. And another friend offered to give me a lift down there (it's in Somerset). So pretty much everything was falling into place around me, as it were; but I still hadn't heard from New Wine. And it was getting closer and closer.

Still, I was confident that it wasn't a problem. God knew what he was doing, even if I didn't. Which was an answer in itself, of sorts. And then, with just over a week to go, when people were starting to ask me again, I still didn't know. At ALPHA, a friend prayed for me that I would get the confirmation, and when I turned my phone on later, there was a text message to say that, for some reason, the email had bounced back to her, so she was texting me to say I had been accepted. And the time stamp was just about the time of that conversation and prayer. God definitely has a sense of humour.

There was only one problem; I was supposed to be there earlier than the friend who'd offered me the lift could get there. But that was sorted the next day. I phoned my team leader (the same one as last year) to let her know I'd got her message and would be there, and mentioned that I wasn't sure what time I would be there, though I'd try to get there as early as possible. And she said not to worry about it, as long as she knew I was definitely coming, as it wouldn't be busy on the first day, and we had a bigger team than last year.

So, that was it. An answered prayer. Except for one thing. When I got in touch with the friend who had offered to share his tent, he asked if I could get the tent down there. So that may be a problem. Except it won't, because if God has sorted all this out, He can and will easily sort that out too. So, I'll be off to New Wine at the weekend; and who knows what will happen there.

A Different Prayer

Last week, on my day off, I sat down to pray. Now, obviously, this in itself isn't that unusual, as I pray quite often-every day, more than once, generally. But this was a little bit different. Just a bit. As I didn't have any particular schedule until later in the day, I decided to just sit and wait with God, and see what happened.

I basically sat there and said 'ok God, here I am', and waited. I found that I was putting down all the things that were on my mind, as it were, as if they were in between me and God; and I was letting go of them. The interesting thing was that some of them were really small, as if they weren't really in the way at all, I hardly noticed them until I had put them down; and some of them were much bigger. Not huge so that I could hardly carry them, but definitely much bigger than some of the others.

Now some of them I could see were small because I wasn't particularly bothered by them. I mean they were-and are-real issues, but I could either see that God has been doing stuff to deal with them, which is ongoing, or I pretty much completely trusted that they would be dealt with. The couple that were much bigger, I felt that they could and would be dealt with, but at that point, I didn't know what to do next. So they were very much on my mind. I was actually a little reluctant to let go of them; but I did it. And then, after waiting for a while (I genuiely have no idea how long), God asked me about something that wasn't on my mind, but I hadn't noticed that I put down.

Clearly I had let go of it some time before, but it was still an issue that needed to be dealt with. Or maybe not, I don't know. Still, it surprised me, that that was what He wanted to ask me about. I really didn't know how I felt about it, and still don't; except I can honestly say I'm not bothered by it, however it works out. Maybe that was what He wanted to get across to me; that in letting go of something, it is the way to get His peace on it. I read something recently that said something along the lines of 'if you want to get God's peace which passes understanding, then you have to let go of wanting to understand'. Which is relevant to another issue at the moment.

On Sunday, we had a guest speaker in church, a missionary who lives and works in Burundi. At one point, he prayed for people who wanted guidance. I waited to see what God would say, and He said 'keep going'. Which is kind of encouraging, because it means I'm doing something right; but I don't know what, really. But I should let go of trying to understand. Listen to what I know He has said, and act on that. That's all I need to do at the moment. So that's what I'll keep aiming to do.

Virtual Relationships

Just a quick one this time. Hopefully, anyway, as I have some sort-of half formed thoughts that I want to explore here. Recently, I set up a page on Facebook to collect and share blogs by Christians (it's called 'Brilliant blogs - and mine' and can be found here, if you want to look it up), and, because of that, I have been getting in touch with a lot of people. Mostly people I know.

And, obviously, I have mainly been getting in touch with them online. Not exclusively, but clearly, when I'm talking about 'things' that 'exist' online, then it makes sense to communicate mainly online. So it makes it as easy as possible to access the 'things'. By which I mean the page and the blogs I'm 'collecting'. Which leads me to think about reality, and, well, not reality. Blogs are clearly real, but what really are they? Even as collections of words, they have no tangible, 'touchable' reality; but why should that make them less 'real' than a printed page, than an article or book? And, given that the words in whatever form are expressing something even less tangible, thoughts or some other expression, but which is still 'real'; given this, what does 'reality' mean anyway? And, what does it matter?

And the other thing that came out of this was how I got in touch with people. I don't mean through messages exactly, but rather the fact that, as I have been doing it, I have been in touch with people I haven't been in touch with for a while, and there has been something more than just the passing of information. We have been asking and sharing something of ourselves. Which, you know, is kind of to be expected; what with it happening all the time and all. But I didn't expect it really. I was thinking about passing on information, but the act of communication carried with it more than I planned.

So that's what I wanted to share today. No conclusions, as it were, just kind of dropping some thoughts out there to see what anyone thinks...