What I Learned From Books 3: Love And Romance (And Maybe Sex)

One of the things that surprises at least some people is the fact that I read so many books which fit into the category of 'chick-lit'. Some people are fine with the idea, but there are some people who do seem to have difficulty fitting it into their mental picture of me, for some reason. I'm not sure why - when I say I read pretty much anything, I mean it. Of course there are some things I tend to prefer (and I don't often read technical manuals for fun), but as I read a couple of hundred books a year, there's plenty of space for pretty much everything in there...

So, for those slightly less aware, what is 'chick-lit' anyway? Isn't it just romance? Not exactly, but that's still pretty close. It's like the difference between 'rom-coms' and 'chick flicks'. The main difference in my opinion is humour; 'chick-lit' does cover more than just romance, but the thing that they all have in common (at least the ones I've read) is a robust sense of humour. 'Chick-lit' does cover more, but it's rare that romance doesn't feature at all.

So, having read definitely over a hundred of them, what have I learned about life - and relationships? Well, apart from the fact that romance still seems to be incredibly important to women in general (and that men in general seem to be pretty bad at it - not just me, then), there do seem to be a few recurring themes. Which eitther mean that the authors are pretty unimaginative, or real life really is this messy. I'm going for the second option, personally. These general themes are: life is difficult; relationships are difficult; marriage. Oh, and sex rears its many splendoured head time and time again. The first one is kind of obvious, really - if everything goes smoothly, there wouldn't be much of a story. Ever. And if anyone tries to say that's unrealistic, that life is easy; I would just gently suggest that you probably don't live in the same world as approximately 98% of the world's population, somehow. But that's really just background; it's the second one, that relationships are difficult that the majority of the stories are about.

And they get to be made difficult for two main reasons, really. All relationships suffer from breakdowns in communication; sometimes it seems that they are shaped by the secrets they keep - and share. And I do mean all relationships - with friends, work colleagues, and family members, as well as romantic partners. It almost seems that no-one really trusts anyone - but that can't possibly be true.
And romantic relationships also are affected by attraction. And sex. Surprisingly, sex isn't just had by people who fancy one another - and even when it is, attraction can and does fade. The thing that puzzles me, that I just can't get my head around, is how people can see sex as meaningless and at the same time so important that it's one of the main things (romantic type) relationships are centred on. Not the only one, I know; but it's so rare for it not to be there that I almost think it's implied to be the only vital thing. (Of course, these are all in books, obviously; so they don't relate at all to real life? Right?)

And marriage. You might be surprised that I mention that, as I'm talking about books that are basically talking about romance - so marriage is pretty much to be expected, right? Well, when I thought about it, it did come as a surprise to me. We're always being told/shown in the media, in books, that romance and relationships don't have to end in marriage; or even have it as an aim anymore. No-one would be surprised to hear that; yet in these particular books marriage is a big thing - and not just in the ones in a historical setting, either. It's far more common than not for marriage to be a major part of the plot - and that does come as a surprise.


And I think I'll leave you with this cartoon from xkcd which neatly covers the first three points...