I Am Margaret

I recently read an ebook - a debut novel by a Catholic author. I was given Amazon vouchers for my birthday, and was wondering what to spend them on, when I saw an ad for this:-
                                              
                                                            

This is the cover for 'I Am Margaret', and I think it's brilliant. It's both simple and powerful, partly because it is so stark. It gives something of an impression of what the novel holds, while also showing somewhat the tone of the novel. Stark and powerful - both the cover and the novel itself.

Set in a dystopian future, it is the story of Margaret, who is judged imperfect and taken to the Facility, where she will ultimately be dismantled, broken down for spare parts while fully conscious - unless she can escape. But no-one has ever escaped from a Facility before...

And it is the story of those in the Facility with her, not all of whom survive. The Facility is the ultimate expression of the world they exist in; a world where people are valued for what they are rather than who they are, a world where the material is all that is allowed to exist.

Without giving too much away, I will say that there is more going on in this book than at first appears on the surface - and that 'I Am Margaret' is the title of more than just this book. It peels back the layers of society in much the same way as the society peels away the layers of those who are dismantled; and it questions whether people really are just what they seem on the surface. Is there more to life than this - and, if so, what?

I also really liked the characterisation of the various people in the book, both guards and inmates. Particularly the character of Sarah, who is brain damaged due to an accident in her childhood; and genuinely has no idea of why she is there, and not much more of what could happen, what will happen.

This reminded me a bit of 'The Cure' by Michael Coleman, and like that ended with a note of hope; but unlike that, the story doesn't end here. This is the first of a trilogy, and I have to say I'm very much looking forward to the next in the series. but for now, I'lll leave you with this trailer:-

                                                                  

Holiness And Boredom

A bit of an odd title, you may think - or you may be entirely happy with the idea that the two are linked. It is, I understand, quite a common idea that holiness is boring; or, at least, doing the things that lead to holiness are. I know where this idea sort of comes from, but I've never really understood how it developed. From what I know, the idea is all to do with the idea of asceticism being the ultimate 'good'; and, even for those of us who still live in the world, the idea of self-denial being what holiness is all about. After all, one fruit of the Spirit is self-control, isn't it?

But self-control does not mean self-denial; not at all. In the same way that the word temperance has changed meaning - it originally meant 'moderation', now it is used to mean 'abstinence' (particularly from alcohol - another idea that the Bible doesn't teach) - there has been an overreaction in the direction of caution. People didn't want to teach grace as being completely unlimited, because it felt like there would be no incentive to grow, to change. Or something like that.

                                                     

As we know, or at least think we do, that God loves us, but doesn't want us to stay how we are, we want to co-operate; and we also want some sort of reassurance that we are doing the right thing, that we are 'getting it right'. And it's not so very far from there to coming up with rules and regulations; so that we may see how well we are doing - and how well others aren't. And that becomes a cage; it is restrictive, painful, annoying, and yes, boring.

That's not what God wants. He wants to give us life - a full life, an abundant life. And life means growth. We can't be perfect straight away, just like we can't be fully grown immediately - but the idea is that we can and will grow into full maturity. However long that takes. And one thing we can be sure of is that it will take longer than we would like it to. Growing is something that takes a loong time sometimes, and it's not entirely in our control - but we can encourage it to grow the way we want to grow. By what we eat and how (much) we exercise, for example. And what we do spiritually has exactly the same effect. That's what holiness is all about in the end. And, essentially, it is the end...

Not Really About Robin Williams

By this point, anyone reading this will know the sad news of the death of Robin Williams on Monday. You may have seen or heard it on the news, but you've definitely seen and heard it on the internet. All over the place. On blogs and all over social media everywhere.

And if you've seen that, then you must have seen the massive outpourings of grief that followed this news. The same sort of reaction that follows whenever someone famous dies (well, almost). The sort of reaction that I just don't understand. And will never understand. Just to be clear here, I know that this is my issue - I am somewhere on the autistic spectrum, and this is something I will always have difficulty processing. I just point that out to show that this is something that doesn't come naturally to me.

So, why does this happen? I think that the tribute paid to Robin by his daughter gives us a clue.She said that he was one of the kindest, most generous souls... and that the world is forever darker, less colourful and with less laughter now he is gone. This is the same for everyone, but some people do appear to shine more brightly than most. And that reflected light is how we are supposed to look at the world - so let's not leave it until it's too late; untill the light goes out.
I tried thinking about how I might feel when someone famous I really like might go at some point. Like my favourite musicians:-

For those of you who are unfamiliar with them, they are Alice Cooper, Dolly Parton and Steve Taylor, none of whom I am likely to meet in this lifetime - but they are all Christians, so it's not totally out of the question that I may well meet them in the next. So I have the hope that when they pass on from this world, that won't be the end of the story for them. So I would be sad, but not devastated. I would miss their music; but, again, I have the hope that they won't stop making music...

Meghan Tonjes Is Fat (Oh And Gorgeous, By The Way)

This is Meghan Tonjes (pronounced as spelt). If you don't know who she is, she's a singer/songwriter and vlogger from Los Angeles who posts a lot of videos on youtube. Some of her singing, and some of her talking about things. All sorts of things, but a lot about things to do with self image and self confidence. And she started a youtube channel dedicated to the same idea called Project Lifesize. Also, she's appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

So, she's been quite busy over the last few years. And up until recently, I'd never heard of her. What I heard about first was the controversy over this photo, which she put up on her Instagram page as part of a series detailing her weight loss journey. Which got taken down. No warning, no explanation, except to say that someone had complained that it was 'offensive'. Whatever that meant - as I said, there was no explanation. I must admit I was puzzled, because I couldn't see anything particularly outrageous about it - it looks like hundreds of other photos that get put up every day on social media.

But she figured she knew why, and put up this video saying what she thought:-

And when I watched it, I thought 3 things. First, I thought she had a great smile, and was/is very pretty. Second, I thought that she's actually pretty smart as well. She has a problem, and she puts it across well without shouting or throwing a tantrum - which is getting quite rare on the internet these days. And, third, I noticed just a few musical instruments in the background. Reading the article again was when I registered that she is, as I said, a singer/songwriter, so I looked her up on youtube. Where this video comes from. And listened to a few of her songs - and then a few more. And watched some of her other F.A.T. (Frequently Asked Tonjes) videos, like this one. Well worth watching, all of them.

And, after that, I was pleased, annoyed, and challenged. Pleased because I'd found another good musician, annoyed that I hadn't found her before, and challenged because it made me wonder. How often do I behave like that? I didn't find that picture particularly outrageous, as I said, but how often do I respond to something that's essentially harmless as if it's really a problem. I don't know the answer, except to say 'too often'. And, also, how do I respond when someone else has a problem with me - do I respond as well as she did? Something to think about, I think - and keep thinking about. And working on changing. So I'm following her on youtube now. Not because I think she's attractive, though she is; but because she has a great voice, and she says things I could do with listening to.

By the way, Instagram restored her picture, and apologised. But they still didn't give an explanation, except to say that they 'sometimes get it wrong'. Hmm.

So, here's another few photos of her

 

Be More Dog!

You may have seen some ads for a phone company with this slogan, and the idea (I think) that being a dog means being more enthusiastic about life. Now whether or not you agree with this, that's what I took from the ad - so when God pointed it out to me, and told me to do just that, I wondered if that was what He meant. What does it mean to be more doglike than catlike (and what does that have to do with mobile phones)?

This was the first thing that came to mind:-

Now I'm pretty sure I don't consciously go around with the attitude that I am God; but, I have to acknowledge that I tend to lean towards thinking I know best, and that things should be done my way. Not all the time, but enough to make sure that I don't put God in His rightful place at all times. Is it that attitude that leads to a lack of trust, or a lack of trust that leads to that attitude - or both leading to each other?

But the thing that really inspired this post was going out on with Street Teams last night and seeing some of the guys with their dogs. A couple of them who have had dogs for years now have several pups who are old enough to come out with them - we didn't really see them for several weeks just around when they were born - and watching the pups made me think about this subject again.

The first thing was obvious, which was that they didn't really stop moving, especially the pups. They were pretty loud, all of them, and that is clearly showing that they are interested in life; curious about everything, and interested in it all. And, also clear was the fact that dogs are very much family animals - whether it was with the other dogs or any of the people who were there, they seemed to prefer spending time with someone rather than being on their own. One in particular, called Otis, just never seemed to stop moving, going from one person (or dog) to another.

So, from that, I guess I can conclude that being interested in life and company is A Good Thing - and one of the things God wants me to be more like. But there were a couple of other things as well. One is that although most of the pups looked alike, they were clearly all different; quite varied in personality. And the other is that they seemed to be pretty much always hungry. Which means, I guess, that God wants me to be more enthusiastic about life, and hungry for the things of God, searching them out wherever they can be found.

I'll just leave you with this video:- and, remember, Be More Dog!

(More) Guidance

After my last post on this, I figured I'd write something a bit more specific. A couple of ideas that have really impacted me.

The first is one I heard in a talk once, and I have mentioned it before, I think. That is that you are more likely to regret not doing something than doing it. Or possibly that you will regret them more, I'm not sure. I've thought about this, and there's definitely something in it. Of the things you do, there could be all sorts of things you could regret, from doing it wrong, to doing it badly, to just choosing it in the first place; but, of the things you don't do, you just never know.
You don't know how things might have worked out, you don't know whether you might have learned something, or made new friends - or even just enjoyed it. And, more importantly, you don't know how your life may have changed - how you may have changed as a result. All you know is what you did; and, also, that some of the opportunities you turned down may have had quite a significant impact on you. Now, I'm not suggesting that anyone should go for every single opportunity that comes their way without even thinking about it; but what I am suggesting is that you should consider things more carefully when it comes to opportunities. If anything, I think you need to be more sure about turning one down than about taking one; try to lean more in the direction of saying 'yes' more than 'no'.

And the second, which is definitely linked to the first is the fact that when it comes to taking opportunities (or not), we are the only ones who can make that decision. It seems a cliche to say that we are our own worst enemies, but the reason cliches become cliches is because they contain a certain amount of truth. There's a song we sometimes sing at my church which contains the line 'if God is for us, who can be against us?'; and the answer to that question is us. Always us. For a start, we are the only ones who are always around ourselves - even if we sometimes wish we weren't. But, ultimately, when it comes to taking opportunities, we are the ones who have the most power. We can easily stop ourselves from taking them, either absolutely, by not doing them, or more subtly, by procrastinating or not doing it whole heartedly - and then, when it doesn't work out, we say that we knew that was going to happen all along.

And it's not just taking opportunities when they present themselves; but keeping going with them once we have started. For instance, I have recently been struggling with this blog, with keeping going, as it doesn't seem that many people are reading it. Now I'm not going to stop doing it (not yet, anyway), but that is exactly what I'm talking about. When things are tough it is easy to give up, to just stop; and no-one else can do it for you. Or me, in this case. If I'm going to continue with this blog, then I have to do it - no-one else can. Ultimately, the ones who make our choices are us; to do something or not to do something, to keep going or not to keep going; only us.

Guidance

Well, guidance. A tricky subject at the best of times. Two important things to bear in mind. One is that no-one has this sorted, not even people who have been walking with God for fifty/sixty/seventy years; they've just worked out how to trust Him a bit more. And two, God is more interested in spending time with us than with us always getting it right. Of course He loves it when we do get it right, but He loves us anyway - all the time. And that will never change; no matter what.

• Another thing to remember is that it's easier than we think. God is on our side, and wants us to figure out the right thing to do, so He will help us as much as He can. So, something you may have seen before, but I think is worth repeating: the 5 'CS'. In order, these are Controlling Spirit; Confirming Scripture; Circumstantial Signs; Counsel of the Saints; and Common Sense. In other words, what do you feel about x; God speaking through the Bible; things happening that point in a certain direction; asking Christians for advice (and listening); and actually thinking it through. He may use any of these, usually more than one. The reason they are in this order is that asking for guidance should start with God and end with us.
  So, how does it work practically? Really, this is an impossible question, because every single situation and issue is different; but start with prayer. Always. See if God says anything, or if you have some strong idea of what to do. He promises to live in us by His Spirit, so He will guide our minds and hearts, even when we are not aware of it. Now, obviously, we are not perfect, so we will make mistakes, which is why the other things need to be considered. And He will be in those too - again sometimes without us being aware of it. Confirming Scripture doesn't really need to be explained, except to say that we don't go looking for Bible verses to support what we already think. It is more likely to be accurate if it comes from outside e.g. passages referred to in sermons, things people post on Facebook, daily Bible study notes, that sort of thing. Which leads nicely into the third one - if these things are coming from outside, then they are circumstantial; but also other things that might come up in conversation, or opportunities that are presented. The fourth one is pretty obvious: that if you ask someone else, they may see it a bit more clearly because they're at a little more of a distance, and may help you see it differently; but that if you ask someone, you should listen to whatever they say. Don't just accept it because it's from someone else, but don't just reject it either, if it's not what you want to hear. And the last is all about thinking about it; but with the important point that God is involved. Don't just say that you can't do x, so He wouldn't say that; He can.
  
  Another issue is that there are two parts to being guided; figuring out what to do and then doing it. This is a big problem that pretty much everyone goes through repeatedly. When we come up against things we don't really want to do, or don't think we can do; we can say we're not sure what it is God wants us to do, when actually we have a fairly good idea, we're just resisting it. Also, sometimes, in a similar way, He may give us just the first bit, and tell us what to do next when we get there. Or not tell us any more because that's all we can handle at that point. Something my church leader once said that when he's struggling with guidance, he will go back to the last thing he's sure God said and start from there.
  So, what do we do when we have some idea, but it doesn't seem clear? Well, two things we can always do. One is to spend time with God, praying and worshipping. The more we do that, the clearer our minds will become. Romans 12:2 promises us that. However, that doesn't mean it will be a quick process; it will actually take longer than our lifetime. But it WILL happen. And the other thing we can do is to meditate on the situation. This doesn't mean sit back and let it happen; rather the opposite. To meditate means to turn something over in our minds and look at it carefully. This being the case, that God wants us to know things and that as we draw close(r) to Him our minds will be renewed, a good place to start (after giving it to Him again) is to just go with our instincts. The Bible says He will give us the desires of our hearts, and as we have our minds renewed, our desires become more and more like His. As we go on in life, we teach ourselves to ignore our instincts, but we all have them, and we have them for a reason. So, that's a very good place to start. Also, it is usually better to do something; we can even learn from mistakes. If we don't do anything, not only will we not get anywhere, but we won't have anything to learn from.

Book Learnin'

I'm writing this post for two reasons. One is that I've been writing several posts on books recently (here, here, and here,), about stuff I've learned from books. Some of which I didn't know I knew until I wrote the posts. I just started talking about a subject, and saw where it took me.

I once wrote a poem called 'Books', which was about books being carriers of ideas. Any books, not just textbooks. Any and every book has ideas contained within it. Ideas which go together with other ideas; which go along with or collide with, sometimes producing totally new ideas.

So, that's just to say that I've learned more from books than I will probably ever know. Even just a few books push together and against each other, forming new shapes, new patterns; and I've read more than a few books. Literally more than I can remember, so how many different ideas have come into being and become something more, I will never know.

Fiction clashes with poetry and philosophy, and mixes with mythology and theology, all to produce a new, fresh view of the world; of the whole of creation. Ideas are dangerous things; they live and grow in directions you never thought they might. And can change everything you thought you knew.

And the other reason is that when I started writing about books, I did it because I didn't think I'd have as much to write about in the 'real world':- i.e. the one where ideas change things. But recently, I've discovered I'm reading a lot less than I was; and one of the reasons for that is that I'm doing more. More different things, out there with people. Maybe it's time to do something with those ideas...

Dragons!

http://falvie.deviantart.com/art/Little-Purple-Dragon-351794548

Dragons! Huge creatures; mythical and majestic - and fun. At least if you play one of the several dragon themed games on Facebook or apps. Which I do, every now and then. It used to be a lot more until I got to a fairly high level, and now it's getting more difficult. But, you know, doing something a lot means you get to see patterns in it; and I was thinking that some of the patterns in this are a bit like life. Or, at least, could have some valuable lessons

Success Is Arbitrary (to an extent, anyway)
As I progressed in the game, I got to see several things I was doing that could count as objectives, and different ways of measuring success. The basic one was that, just in playing the game, in doing what you had to do, you got experience, and a certain amount of experience automatically raised the level you were on. and going up levels opened things up; allowed you to gain things or abilities. The other two were fighting (well, winning anyway), and collecting dragons. And I got to thinking-how often do we try to 'keep score'; to say we're doing better or worse (maybe than someone else), because we have done this, or not done that. For instance, on my day off, I sometimes feel good about life if I've been busy, because I feel that the day is productive-but that's not what days off are for. It's alright to rest and do little on them-as long as the things that need doing get done. Sometimes even then. To get back to the game, levelling up happens automatically, and, quite often, we may find life is like that; that we're just going along with life just living and gainingexperience, and then we look around and discover all these things that we can do, that at one point we couldn't. Or we discover that we're better at things, without making a conscious effort to do so. For instance, once I was terrible at typing; I'm still not very good, but doing this has got me better at it. And the other day, I mentioned that I'm better at using chopsticks than I thought I was-and I haven't even practiced that. I can only guess that in getting more flexible with my hands, it's allowing me to get better at a variety of things. And the most interesting one, collecting dragons is, well, interesting. As you breed dragons, you come up with some unusual and very surprising types of dragon-which leads nicely on to the second point. 

Imagination Is Important (if not vital)
The best part of the game, in my opinion, although I'm guessing I won't be alone in this, is the imagination integral to it. As if it weren't enough to have a game about breeding dragons, some of the dragons that they have designed are really quite... interesting. Like a steampunk dragon and a dragon made out of bubblegum. An electric dragon and a pirate dragon. Or a zombie dragon-I'd really like to see how that one grows. And life is like that-or, at least, should be. It's not about just making a living; it's about the colourful things in and around, the unexpected things. Like coming out of my front door to see a man with a couple of ferrets on leads. Nonsense conversations, walks in the park, and parties. The things which make life worth living are actually those which make it life, as opposed to just existence.

Things Work Better With Friends (or it could cost) 
The way the is set up, you can add friends, and then; not only can you see what each other are up to, but you can help each other. Most of the ways you can help are add-ons, in that you can continue playing the game quite well without them, they just give a little bit of a bonus now and then. However, there are times every so often where you have to ask for help, and if you don't get it, it's very difficult to proceed. In these cases, there is one other option-you can pay for the help you need, usually in gems. The problem with this is that it takes time and effort to earn the gems; and it looks like there are some very costly items in the future that you may only be able to get with the gems. So, if you have some way of not spending them, that would be better overall. And to apply that to life almost doesn't need any explanation-but it feels like cheating not to say anything at all. With the little ways, that's like the colour and imagination I've already mentioned; strictly speaking they're not actually needed as such, but it's part of what makes the difference between living and just existing. Relationships are important in life. And doing things together, with each other and for each other makes life more livable. Not just easier, but more fun too. And when it comes to the important ways of helping, we learn that not only does it make life much easier, to the point where it is even impossible without it in some cases; but, the other important point is that sometimes we should ask for help. There's nothing wrong with asking for help-in a sense that's how the game is set up. God created us to be interdependent; not independent.

Yes, I understand that not everyone on here does play or has played any online game involving dragons. but there are a lot of other games out there, and these principles can be applied to any of them. Indeed, there are probably more principles than this that you could figure out-if you want to come up with any, feel free to let me know.

One Word!

A while back, someone I'm in touch with sent me this post about asking God for a word from Him to direct your year. The word will be something to focus on over the year, and, as you do so, He will put you in situations where He will show you how the word is important in your life. To shape and direct you as much as guide you to the future He has for you. Now I don't know why she sent it to me, but I am sure that God is behind it.

I started to pray about it immediately, and He gave me the word straight away; but I doubted it was the right word. Mainly because it just didn't sound right. The word for me was (and is) 'surprise'. When I heard that, I wasn't sure about it, for a couple of reasons. One, because I was expecting a 'spiritual' word; and, two, because I wondered what I could do with it. I thought that if it was the word, then it would be all about God doing things, and catching me by surprise; but, not really anything I could do anything about-after all, I can't exactly surprise myself. But further questioning revealed that I was both right and wrong. Right in what the word is, that has been the only answer I've received on asking; and wrong on what I thought of it.

There is actually something I can focus on and pray about in this-and it is a challenge. One attitude He wants to challenge (is challenging) is the idea that certain things in my life are never going to change-either that I can't change them, or He isn't going to. Or both. And to go along with that, the fact that when (not if) He changes things, I will have to do things in response. Some of those responses will be easy, or at least straightforward; and some most definitely won't. But, if He does things, He will expect me to grasp the opportunities He creates, and go for them.

I've been listening to the song 'Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) tonight, which contains the line "I'll find You in the mystery"; which seems quite straightforward. After all, if God is God, then we should expect not to ever fully understand Him. But, as far as this goes, if I seriously look into Him, I should expect to be surprised-and to a certain extent, if I'm not, I'm probably not paying attention; maybe taking Him for granted. And that is not only disrespectful rude wrong, but also dangerous. I mean, if I'm going to trust someone, I should get to know them, right?

So, in the (almost) three weeks of the year so far, have there been any indications of things I might get surprised by. Well, this is an obvious example. I've done more posts quicker than ever before, and I still have plenty of ideas. Which is great. But I still have to do them. Which is kind of the point, I think. Whatever He gives me (us?), I (we?) have to do something about/with. The other main thing I have some sense might be changing this year are my relationships. I noticed that towards the end of last year, that I've started a lot of new relationships and refreshed some old ones. And what I noticed with that is that it is difficult. Well, duh. But, again, the whole point. If I want things to get better (and things can always get better, somehow), then I have to be willing to put the work in. And keep doing it. For as long as necessary, which may well be longer than I think-or want it to be. Right?

As an aside, we have been using Oceans for about a year at my church; and, I've always found it a powerful song. There is a refrain in it which talks about asking him to lead me me where my trust is without borders, which I've always enjoyed singing; but, always without fail, found somewhat scary. I think this means that those prayers are being answered. And I'm still scared. But that's good, I think-at least that means I'm taking it seriously. And Him.

Thoughts For The Day!

Here's a few thoughts I want to remember. I think they are worth remembering, and I think God wants me to bear them in mind - always. I thought you might like to hear them...

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was that you will regret more the things you didn't do than the ones you did; and, overall, I think that's true. Certainly the more things I do and don't do, the more this seems to be the case. Now, obviously, this doesn't mean that everything I do works out well; sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't, and some things don't work out at all. But missed opportunities are one of the most frustrating and annoying things you can ever have. Going through life, you will not escape from wishing certain things could have been otherwise; thinking 'if only' is bad enough, but thinking 'what if' when you know that something was in your hands to change, and you didn't take it is much worse. It's only slightly a problem with things like going to a party or going out with friends when you hear later that they had a great time; but it's a lot more so when it's something like a job, or a mission trip, or moving house. And, more to the point, the more you say 'yes' makes it easier to say 'yes' next time. Saying 'yes' to small things also makes it easier to say 'yes' to bigger things; and, ultimately, makes all decisions seem easier to make. Saying 'yes' more doesn't mean that you stop saying 'no', but it might make it more likely to be a choice rather than a reaction.

The flipside of this, in a way, is something God has said to me time and time again in different circumstances; and that is that doing something is better than doing nothing. This is applicable to all sorts of situations, and in different ways.  It could be that you are surrounded by a set of difficult circumstances, which aren't getting any better on their own. It could be that you don't know how to do something or quite what to do, so you may procrastinate (that's a good word). It could be that you are waiting for something to happen, you just aren't sure what. Sometimes it is just that you can't decide what to do, that doing something is better...

Which leads me on to another thing that God has been particularly saying to me recently. About various things. That in certain circumstances (almost certainly a lot more often than I would like), He really doesn't mind what we/I choose. Just that we/I choose. Choosing something rather than just reacting, or, even worse, just doing nothing and being unhappy about something while vaguely hoping that things will change is better. Just because choosing gets you involved, it wakes you up, as it were. And, even if it turns out to be a bad decision, you're still thinking-and can change things. Choosing is one of the best decisions you can make and actions you can take. Choosing to choose is always going to be good (for you).

And, lastly, remember that if a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing. This seems obvious, so obvious, there's nothing to say; but, following on from the previous comment, it's worth remembering. People sometimes can be inclined to perfectionism, thinking that if a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing well; and this can be an excuse not to do it, because you can't do it well enough. And that may well be the case-sometimes. But it shouldn't become a way of thinking. If a thing's worth doing, it may well be worth doing badly if that's the best that can be done, if making an attempt at doing it is better than leaving it undone. But, whatever is the case in this regard, the point is that once you have made your choice and decided that something is worth doing, then you should stick to it. Don't let fear, or difficulty, or, well, anything put you off doing it. If you have to postpone it to better plan, then do so; but don't let it just drift away once you have decided.

And, well, this is what I have been thinking about recently. Somethings I need to bear in mind more, and maybe, just maybe, someone else may benefit as well.

May - A Magnificent Month!

I was going to call this one 'A Month Of Luxury' as I appear to have spent a lot of money, but I can't really remember what I spent it all on. If there were any luxuries, you'll have to figure them out for yourselves by (re)reading the previous few posts.

However, the month as a whole was very good, with all sorts of interesting things happening. Obviously, the most important thing was the whole moving house business (you know, that tiny little thing at the beginning of the month); which was more important than I knew then. I knew something of how it was important, in that it was a new start, and also that it was God wanting me to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone again. The thing about comfort zones is that they move-when you have moved out of it, it moves back around you, and the new place and/or situation becomes comfortable; and, once again, it becomes an effort to move on. And sometimes moving on is important. I never wanted to move just for the sake of moving, I have thought for a while that it is better to move to something, rather than from it. But here I had a great opportunity to move somewhere nice with a good friend, literally just down the road; and the main reason I was hesitating was because not doing it was easier. And, though I can't say that I had any great answer to prayer about it, that was what decided me-that I could do it, and that I should at least give it decent consideration. And changing from saying 'hmm, maybe' to planning how was moving on in itself.
And that was definitely A Good Thing. Since I moved I have felt a lot better in myself. A lot happier and calmer. I can't trace it to anything in particular, but in general I feel better all over. about the only thing I have to be slightly disappointed about is the fact that I didn't write any poems in the month. So i'll have to make sure I try extra hard to do so this month.

And after that had all happened, I then had a very busy month. Which if you've been reading, you'll already have some idea of. I can tell how busy I was as I didn't read as many books as usual-something which seems to be happening again this month. Lots of parties and events. Which isn't usual, but I think is something that God wants to happen more often from now on. And I think He wants me to be arranging some on a (semi) regular basis. Which isn't something I think I'm that good at. Definitely not, if past experience is anything to go by-but if that's what He wants, then He's going to put a lot of effort into ensuring that that's what He gets. Which means He will keep nudging me to do things, however reluctant I am to do them; and I guess that it will change me, as well as others. I can only hope.
So, not only was it a very good month in itself; but it looks like this is going to be a very good future as well. I look forward to finding out what it's going to be like...

And Then There Was One...

Well, this was a most unusual week; my flatmate finally left for Great Yarmouth on Wednesday. Wherever that is. As he has been here for several years (8? 9? I honestly can't remember), it was a bit of a shock to think that he's actually gone.

He left at 9:30 in the morning, so I stayed in my room until he'd gone. But I wasn't really sleeping. For some unknown reason, I woke at about 8, and couldn't really get back to sleep-I sort of drifted in and out for a while. So I could hear him going about his business with packing and stuff; and it was surprisingly emotional. Among other things was shock that it was actually happening, and kind of a sense of loss. Oh, alright, I'll admit it-I'll miss him. He's a nice guy to be around, and Great Yarmouth is a bit of a distance.

So I went to work as normal, cos, you know, I had to, and I don't really remember anything much about that. I'm guessing it was a pretty ordinary day-a lot of them are. And then I got back in the evening, and the place felt strange. Not that he's usually in at that time, he would often be at work, but somehow it just felt different. Thankfully, I didn't spend the whole evening on my own-a friend of mine came round to pray. Which was particularly good, as I could do with the company at the time.
So, we chatted and prayed, and had strawberry flavour cider. Which tasted like strawberries, unsurprisingly. I couldn't really see why they called it cider at all. Nice, though-I recommend it. And then tried to figure out meeting up again. It looks as though I may well be quite busy most evenings over the next week or so, which will probably be good, as I won't be able to think about things too much. I have a week off coming up, which I'm trying to work out some things to do to fill. Interesting things-I don't just want to fill it for the sake of it, I want to do things I actually want to do. Like play 'Risk'. That's probably my favourite board game, and I don't get to play it much-mainly cos even a short game takes several hours. If you play the full game, it could be a very long time. But if I've got the time off, then that may well be the time to go for it.
I was originally intending to be out Thursday and Friday evenings as well, but I ended up being too tired. And now I'm starting to find things are beginning to look slightly different. I'm starting to see the positive side of being able to do what I want to do, but I know that that will only be an advantage in the short term. The landlord wants to redecorate a bit before getting someone else in, but I hope I'm not on my own for too long. I know that's not good for me-I'm perfectly capable of not talking to anyone else for days if that happens. Which I know isn't good for me. But in the short term, change isn't a bad thing, and it's good for me to remember that.

I Love The Sound Of Breaking Glass

There has been a lot of cleaning going on in my flat recently, due to my flatmate moving out. And a lot of recycling, hence the title. I always like recycling because as well as getting rid of stuff that needs to be got rid of, there is the feeling that you are Doing Good at the same time; and when getting rid of glass, it is particularly satisfying to know that you are breaking glass and it is Perfectly Okay. It can be quite good at relieving stress, I find-though maybe that's just me.

So, the recycling bit was alright. Almost fun, and definitely satisfying, in that those things are gone, and don't have to be thought about any more. On the other hand, the cleaning bit definitely isn't, especially if you don't know very well what you're doing.
My mum came over to help me, which was both good and bad. Good because I did things I wouldn't otherwise have done, and bad because I had to do things I wouldn't otherwise have done. I definitely learned some stuff, but on the other hand, that day was exhausting. To be fair, though, that was the day I started to get ill, so it's just possible that may have had something to do with it. However, as a result, the place is now cleaner than it was, and cleaner than it would have got if I had been left to my own devices. And I have to admit, it is somewhat satisfying to see the difference after it has been done.

And I started thinking-I do that sometimes. A long time ago, when I was working in a cleaning job, God said to me something along the lines of that this is something Christians are supposed to do, to clean up the mess the world is in. All the mess, everywhere. So I was thinking about mess, and how easy it is to make. Some mess is sort of 'deliberate', like when something is spilled, but most, if not all of the mess we were working on was just caused by living. Apart from things like preparing food and leaving books on the floor while I'm reading them (to be fair, I do know pretty much which ones are finished and where they should go), there is also just dust-which is just what happens when there are people in a place-and when they're not. And the other thing is how easy it is to live with a certain amount of mess-first because you know you can clean it up, and/or if it's been left a while, it's easy enough to live with things the way they are. Until you have to do something about it.
So, what about the mess in the world-or in our lives? Of course, it would be easier to clean it up as we go along, always assuming of course, that we can. But if/when we don't, what then? What will happen to it and us; and what will make us clean our lives up? And, getting back to where we started, how do we recycle-and more importantly, how do we decide what can be recycled? Just a few questions-if you do have any answers, I'd be interested to hear...

Change

I had an unusual week last week, which started off with the visit to Leeds, and it made me think. After getting back, I spent 2 days working in the Gloucester shop, which was different; and then 2 days working on my own, partly due to another member of staff going to hospital (thankfully, he's alright, but will be off for several more days), which was unexpected. So, different and unexpected set the tone for the next few days...

Like, for instance, seeing a friend I hadn't seen for ages. Which was great. Or, phoning my mum and finding out that we'll be spending Christmas at my sister's new place-that I haven't been to yet. Unexpected because we don't usually do that, and different because it's a new place. So that will be great. Different, unexpected, great. However, the biggest two things (Thing One and Thing Two) are quite a bit different-mainly because they're so big. My flatmate told me that he's decided to move out and move back home-to Great Yarmouth-which means that things are all up in the air at the moment as to what is going to happen. All that is certain is that he is definitely leaving at the end of the month. So, that's huge. And, then, a friend mentions that he will be moving soon, and asks if I want to move in with him. I don't know yet, but I'm definitely not dismissing the idea out of hand.  So, whatever happens here, there will be some big changes in my life coming up soon.
And all this made me think about change. I don't really like change. I deal with things slowly, and I like it that way. I know for a fact that if I'd been offered the chance to move before my flatmate decided to move, I almost certainly wouldn't have taken it. And I'd have felt maybe disappointed at an opportunity lost, despite the fact that it would have been my choice. So, what does that say about me-and about life? Well, the main thing to get, that these past few days have reminded me forcefully, is that life is unpredictable. Of course, it's easy to say that, and to say that we believe it; but it's not so easy not only to live knowing it, but also to get to a state where that is (more or less) comfortable. But if that's the way life is, then there's nothing we can do about that; so it's better to accept that and learn to enjoy it. Another point, which is huge but seems small, is that change isn't either good or bad necessarily. Obviously some things are good or bad, but most things just are. And the final point I need to remember-maybe you do too- is that not changing can be in itself a bad thing; it can actually be worse than most changes eventually. So, time to change..?

A Political Post

Well, I've done a few things this week-for instance, my day off was quite busy-but mostly, I've been staying in. Which wasn't really planned, and was very relaxing. So, not having done that much, I thought I'd talk a bit about politics. Because a lot of other people have been talking about that recently, for one reason or another. And, also, because I saw this on a friend's facebook profile, and this pic on another's.


Which made me think a bit-and smirk. But mainly think. I definitely have opinions, as anyone who knows me well would agree, and am not afraid to share them. But I don't often do more than that. However, recently, I did. I signed a petition online a while ago, asking Dominic Mohan to take the bare boobs from The Sun. I don't often read any daily paper, but this is still something I feel to be important-so I signed the petition. And, as is often the case, didn't think much more of it, though I did read the emails they sent to keep me updated with the campaign. And recently, they asked us to support them by not shopping at certain shops for a week. They had selected several of The Sun's biggest advertisers, and  asked us not to shop there for one week, and to consider telling them why. Then they would contact them to ask them to consider stopping advertising with The Sun until Page 3 has been removed.
I had a slight advantage in doing it, in that I didn't read the message until Tuesday, so effectively 2 days of the week had already gone by-thankfully, I hadn't shopped at any of the shops that week. And when I looked at the list, there were only really 2 of the shops that I generally shopped at. However, the problem was that those were my main grocery shops, and both are within a few yards of my house. I actually live above one of them. So, the problem was not just remembering to get groceries from somewhere else; but also remembering not to just pop in when I felt like something on the offchance. Which I knew would be difficult, and I didn't know if I would manage it; but I knew that I could, if I tried. So I did. It made me think about what I bought, and to a certain extent why; and I definitely ended up buying less. And I only went to a takeaway once that I remember. So, I was reminded once again that I can do more than I often think I can-mainly if I actually think, rather than just going through life. And I wonder how much I (we) don't do simply because we don't think; and, more importantly, what we could do if/when we do think.

So, there you go-a political post that's not about politics-or at least not about voting. And to finish, I'll give you links to two other issues I feel strongly about:- marriage and peace. You may not feel strongly about either issue, and if not, you don't have to look; but I do, so I'm doing something. Only a little something, maybe, but doing something is better than doing nothing. At the very least, it keeps it in my mind.                                                                              

Fireworks, No Bonfires

I know it's been a slightly longer time than usual since I last posted. Either this week was particularly busy, or I didn't have much to write about. Or both, I don't really know.

So, here are a few thoughts about Bonfire Night (or Fireworks Night, as you can see from the title, no bonfires were in evidence); which I've actually been thinking about for a while now. Mainly because there were a few kids locally who were out asking for a 'penny for the guy', and they started doing it about two weeks ago. Unfortunately, I live above a shop, and they had decided to position themselves in front of the shop. Quite a smart move on their part, as loads of people passed them over that time, but it meant that almost every time I went in or out I had to go past them. They did ask me a couple of times, but I refused-I didn't want to have to do the same thing every day for two weeks. Though I was sort of impresssed by their tenacity-it got pretty cold at times, and I can't really see that it would have been worth it. But it made me think about the origins of the whole thing. I mean, obviously, it represents Guy Fawkes, but what is the point of the giving-what are people giving money for? Something I've never really thought about before.

So, what did you to celebrate/commemorate this weekend? To be honest, it's not something I've ever really thought about much. I don't dislike it, but I've never really been one much for big gatherings, and this has always seemed more like an excuse than a reason. It may have been different when it first started, but how many people now actually know what was going on, why Guy Fawkes tried to do what he did. And would they be for it or against it? But this year, I did go out to celebrate-with my home group. We met for hot dogs, and then the plan was that we go to the Racecourse to see their display. That turned out to be a bit iffy, because of the weather (yes, no,yes, no, YES), but it cleared up enough in the end that we could go. We didn't go in, partly because we left later than we originally intended, and partly because we just wanted to watch the fireworks and then go back; which we could do quite well enough from outside. Actually, from where we ended up standing, we probably got a better view than if we had been inside, as there were some fireworks that were quite close to where we were. They may not have been from the Racecourse (though I can't imagine who else nearby would bother), but we more or less ended up with two displays-or that's what it felt like, anyway. Which was brilliant. On the way back, I saw some Poles, and I did wonder what they thought of it all-if they had any idea what it was all about. But then, probably the same could be said of almost anyone. Why do we still celebrate this? And then we went back for tea and biscuits (how very English that sounds), and a bit of chat. And very nice it was too.

I was also thinking about the difference between us and the States in this-they don't have Guy Fawkes Night, so Halloween is a much bigger event. It's never really going to get that big over here, I think, simply because we move from one to the other-celebrating the one after October would kind of get in the way of the other. But the other thing it made me think about is why it is that everyone knows about All Hallows Eve, but not All Hallows Day. Or All Saints Day in modern English. Which is November 1st. And the day after that is All Souls Day. Which is hardly celebrated-or even known-even in churches. Why is that, do you think?

In the beginning..?

Well, here I am, finally. I've been thinking about doing this for...oh, well over a couple of years now. I've been putting it off, because, well, what have I got to write about? And would anyone really want to read it? However, due to the fact that a couple of friends said when I mentioned it that they thought I would write something interesting, I figured, maybe they're right. And if so, then probably someone will read it. You know, maybe as many as 10. Or 11, including me.

So, back to the first question-what do I have to write about? Well, I have a few ideas here and there, scattered about randomly, but to start off with, I thought I'd write about me. Not (just) because I might be incredibly self obsessed, but there are actually some fairly good reasons to do so. Maybe. First, because I haven't really thought about a direction of where this is going to go, so I may as well give you some background-you know, some idea of some things that might pop up now and then. Also, down to the idea that when you don't know what to write, write what you know; at least to start. And while I may not know as much about me as I probably think I do, I do know something. So, that gives me somewhere to start-and, you, when you've read it, some idea of whether you want to read any more. I hope at least some of you do, but if you don't, you're probably right. I mean, you know what you like, and all.

So, then, who am I? Or, maybe what (apart from maybe self obsessed-I mean, here I am, randomly wittering on, in the hope that maybe someone will want to read it)? Well, I think, the most important thing (possibly the only important thing) is that I am me, and I am unique. That's two things, but then there were two questions. Who and what. Now, let's be absolutely clear here-I'm not saying that there is no-one like me. That's nonsense, there are loads of people like me-I mean, for a start, there are only a limited number of ways facial features can be arranged. I have two eyes and ears and one nose and mouth, and they're arranged pretty much as they're supposed to be. I guess. In general, most people seem to have them more or less the same way. So, in general, there are several billion people who are like me. More specifically, there are people who share some of the same thoughts, beliefs, opinions and tastes as me. Some of them. I know several people who read almost as much as me, and like a lot of the same books. I know several people who like a lot of the same music as me-though I've been getting to listen to a LOT more since I started playing around with Spotify. (Recently, I've listened to Guided By Voices, Skrillex and Carrie Underwood because someone mentioned them, and because I could-that's pretty random, I think. I like all of them, mostly.) There might even be a few other people who think that this post is interesting enough to be worth putting up. So. There are people like me.
But, and this is the important point, there is only one person who is exactly like me. Only one me. I am unique, because God made me that way. That's the good news. And the even better news? So are you.